Love Where You Least Expect It
by dontcryMasha
Summary: AU. For shy and awkward Logan, a summer job is basically a death sentence. But it suddenly becomes interesting when a certain tall and blond guy walks in one day. Kogan, implied Kenlos. Bumped it up to M for language, romance, tobacco use, sexuality.
1. Tall and Blond

_Just for a little while. Only for a little while._

That's what I keep telling myself as I'm on my way to the totally humiliating summer job my mother made me get. She said she would pay for my college as long as I got a part time job. It's not going to be forever and I'll soon be starting school. At the end of the day, it's not a bad tradeoff, but I still_ absolutely _abhor it.

The first place to get back to one of my many applications was a Riker's; it's a pharmacy and I HATE IT. Working at a pharmacy is major bogus. The types of people that shop at a Riker's are creeps. Well, to be fair, not everyone but most. One of the shift leads there, Ella, has a thing for me, so when she's running the place I'm always on the register. Dealing directly with the customers makes me so nervous, and when Ella walks by I always happen to catch her giving me _the eye_. I wish I could tell her I'm not interested, but the repercussions scare me. What if I get stuck on toilet duty for the rest of the summer? And I don't think giving her the honest reason would be the best idea. She would probably think I was lying when I say I'm gay. Best to not let any coworkers know, just to avoid confrontation. So I stick to the policy, "keep to yourself, get through your shift and get the hell home." That, I can do. I'm great at it, even! Especially when I'm not up front ringing up customers. My favorite duty is inventory, because it's peaceful, mindless, and numerical. All of those menial tasks are enjoyable for me, even restocking the shelves. In fact, that was how my job got interesting.

One day, while I was crouched down with a handful of gauze rolls next to a large plastic bin in aisle 8 (first aid), I momentarily snapped out of my work-trance when I heard two boys talking and laughing. Just for a second I peeked up from my work at them. They both appeared to be around my age. First was a well-built Hispanic guy wearing a baseball cap over presumably very short hair. He was grinning ear to ear and laughing about something, and behind him came a tall dude with slightly longer, light hair and heavyset eyebrows. His face looked naturally intense but friendly. His eyes glistened an indeterminable color, but they sort of sparkled in a way. When I looked up at him as he passed by, I suddenly became flustered and dropped the small boxes I was holding. Immediately the blond guy jumped and squat to the ground next to me.

"You alright?" he asked. I nodded. Dealing with customers is nervous work enough, but when I'm face to face with an unknown cutie, I get extremely shy and stupid acting. The guy picked up some of the gauze and placed them in my hand.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"Sure thing." Before we could speak any longer, his Latin friend called out from the end of the aisle and he went running off. I kept my eyes fixated on the fingertips that the unknown guy had briefly touched in the handoff. It was crazy to overthink the event, but my mind can occasionally get crazy with these things. The chances of him being gay were extremely small, and to make him gay _and _attracted to me is basically impossible. If he were queer, the guy he was with was likely his boyfriend. Oh, but all of this was stupid. I tried to forget about him and focus on finishing my shift.

I did alright until I clocked out and left for the bus stop. Waiting for route 39, my eyes looked up at the cloudy sky above and I began to think about that guy again. Tall and blond. The hues of sunset painted a picture where he came up to me and told me I was cute. "Hey, right back at you!" I said, totally unlike me, in the daydream. He then proceeded to ask me out. In real life, my face turned red and I closed my eyes. I knew better; even if it _did _happen, I could never be calm enough to answer him like that. The 39 pulled up and I boarded.

* * *

Alright, so I worked an identical shift the following day; 2-7. Unfortunately, creepy Ella was there, so I was stuck at the register for the whole time. It's unclear to me why she doesn't have me stick to inventory related things, since then she has a better shot at seeing me bend over and whatnot. Or maybe I'm just desperately searching for a reason to avoid customer contact. Either way it doesn't do any good to complain, so I logged into a till and got ready for a painful shift.

After about an hour or so, and only two customers to ring up, the front doors slid open and three people walked in. One was a young girl, the other an older woman, and guess who the last was? That guy from yesterday! He followed behind the younger female, who ran immediately to our magazine rack and started pulling bright colored issues off.

"Hey, hey, hey!" the guy shouted. "Go easy!"

The girl stuck her tongue out at him and started talking fast, but she was too far away and low in volume for me to understand. An old woman came up to the counter just then and placed a box of toffees in front of me. I tried to focus on my job instead of the boy, but it was difficult.

"D-did you find everything…alright…today?" I stuttered to the customer I was ringing up. She nodded, and I gave her the total. The boy I was watching took a few of the magazines from the young girl and put them back on their rack. He shook his head at her, smiling, but she made a grouchy face and stormed back to the other woman that came in with them.

"Thank you, have…a nice…day," I said as my customer took her change and hobbled away. Tall and blond happened to look back at me for a split second. Our eyes locked, definitely, but then he followed the young girl down the hall and out of my vision. _Damn, _I thought. I really wanted to hear his voice some more. It was so pleasant; a little bit high, but warm hearted and compelling. Where would my imagination lead me next? The guy walks up to the counter and smiles warmly, or something. No, it would never happen. Maybe if I was ringing him up, but even then, he'd probably talk about his girlfriend or whatever straight guys do.

Before I knew it, the young girl he was with came bounding up to my register. She dropped a handful of teen gossip magazines on the counter, along with a bag of gummy fish and a pack of gum. "Hi," I said to her, trying to remain calm. "Did you find every…"

"Yeah, yeah," she cut me off rudely. "Save your shpiel." I looked at her in shock. She couldn't have been much older than 12 or so, and to talk a stranger like that! Then, tall and blond came to the rescue. He ran up behind the girl and hooked his arm over her shoulder. "Sorry about that," he said in that hypnotic voice. "My sister doesn't really get manners sometime."

The girl looked up at the guy and sneered. "Like you do?" she snapped. Tall and blond told her to "hush", and then handed her cash to pay for her purchase. I finished ringing her up, took the money gently, and then placed the little bit of change into her hand. Why couldn't have the brother taken the change? Part of my felt sad inside. She received the change, snatched her new stuff off of the counter and suddenly bolted out of the store. Tall and blond shouted and ran after her. He looked down aisle 1 and yelled, "Moooom! We're leaving!" Soon after, the older woman they came with left as well.

Oh, gosh. I felt sick to my stomach. What were the odds of seeing him again? Trying very hard to stop myself from daydreaming even further, I was interrupted by creepy manager Ella. "Want to take your 15 now?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said quietly and began to log out of my till. Janice, another coworker, took over for me. There isn't a whole lot for me to do on my break, so I generally just stand around outside and try to get some fresh air. Before I left, I snatched a bottle of Gatorade that I had stowed beneath my register. The glass doors slid open as I passed through and the light of day hit me. I winced a little bit as I crawled from my retail cavern and stood next to one of the stupid looking plaster columns that line the overhang there. The Riker's is in the middle of a very tacky looking strip mall, with a smoothie shop on one side, and a toddler apparel place on the other. I leaned against the column and took a sip of my Gatorade. There was a little bell noise, and the door to the smoothie place opened up. Out walked none other than tall and blond. He took a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and lit one up. A smoker, huh? I wanted to stare, but my face was so red and awkward feeling that I couldn't. He was a _really _good looking guy. The yellow plaid button up he wore rested gracefully upon his broad, strong shoulders, though his body was thin and lean. He pressed up against the glass of the smoothie place and let out a long puff of air, then he took out his phone and likely sent someone a text. Okay, so maybe I did keep looking at him. I took another sip of my drink and swallowed hard. Just then, tall and blond happened to look up at me. He tipped his chin my way and smiled. I blushed and blushed then made a grin which I'm sure looked stupid. The guy knocked ash off of his cigarette and actually started walking towards me.

"Hey," I said very, very timidly.

"Yo," he answered. "Sorry about my sis, seriously. She's so rude sometimes. It drives me crazy."

"It's alright, don't worry about it."

"Cool. So are you in school?"

"No, just graduated," I said, trying so so hard to remain cool and collected. "I start college in fall, though."

"Awesome. I just graduated, too. But I'm not going to college yet." He took a long drag on his cigarette and let the smoke pour through his handsomely-large nose. I could not make eye contact with him, so I suddenly stared at the ground, probably looking like a fool. His attractiveness was too overwhelming. "Why aren't you uh, going?" I asked nervously.

"'Cause I want some time to just chill and play."

"Play?"

"Guitar. I'm gonna try to major in music or something, since it's my passion, I guess."

"That's so neat," I said quietly, still looking down. "I've never been musically inclined."

"It's not for everyone."

The tiny bell jingled again, and the woman who he called his mom walked out of the smoothie place. So did his sister. "Hey, Kendall!" his mom yelled. "Let's go already."

"Gotta fly," he said to me. I peeked up at him timidly. He was smiling and said, "I like your hair." Before he turned around and walked away, his left eye winked at me. Did he really? He did. He winked at me. My heart jumped up and I almost passed out. "Kendall," I said out loud to myself. "Kendall."


	2. On the 39

When I got home from work finally, I wanted to do cartwheels. Was this guy seriously interested in me? It certainly felt like it! What are the odds? _What are the odds? _I was trying and trying to not jump to any conclusions, but the feeling was impossible to resist. I ran up to my room and flung myself onto my bed in a giddy frenzy. The pillows caught my face and held it there. "Kendall," I whispered to myself. It was a nice name; a little different but nice. I would have to hit the gym hard tomorrow, just to blow off this excitement. What? Is it surprising that I go to the gym? Did you think I was some sloppy little nerd? Well I _am _a little nerd, but I've been going to the gym since high school, and I try to stay in really good shape. That's very important to me. I usually go in the mornings, with a shower somewhere in between.

At any rate, I didn't see Kendall at all for about a week. It didn't surprise me at all, since I had never seen him prior to that. But I did wonder if he would come back? I had a scary thought, where maybe he was just in town for a few days. Then he would be gone forever. I tried to ignore that one, and either way it was debunked when he showed up again on the following Monday. I was in the middle of helping a patron find where we keep the shoe polish when I caught sight of the tall guy walking down the next aisle over. I just noticed the first few inches of his head; enough to identify him but that's all. He walked in the opposite direction of where I was headed, slowly, and I think he was talking.

I left the customer I was helping at the small space where the shoe polish sits and walked back up the aisle. What if Kendall came tearing around the corner and bumped into me? That could be so romantic. We would collide, but our hands would touch, then he'd stare into my eyes and ask if I was okay. I sighed and hummed to myself at the thought, so lost in it that I stopped paying attention to where I was headed. Then…boom! I struck someone and immediately fell backwards. I crashed upon the floor and smacked my tailbone very hard.

"Oh, my God!" a voice called out. Rattled from the fall, I slowly looked up at saw Kendall standing in front of me. He reached down and extended both hands. "I'll help you up," he said.

My face heated up and I nervously took his hands. He had long, slender fingers with deep calluses from probably over a decade of guitar playing. He took a firm hold of me and said, "Alright, ready? One, two…" He rocked back and pulled me to my feet once more.

"It's so embarrassing," I said quietly, looking away from him. My butt hurt really bad, but I tried not to point that out to him.

"Don't feel bad," he answered. "I wasn't looking where I was going. You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." I snuck a quick look at him, and he was smiling warmly at me. I finally saw that his eyes were green. A piercing green.

Before I had the chance to say anything else, his friend from the other day came around the corner and looked at us. "Yo Kendall are you…" he said, but trailed off as he saw me staring up at his friend.

"Yeah sorry," Kendall said to his friend. He tipped his chin to me and followed the Hispanic guy down another aisle. The look he gave me…I know that look. It had never been used on _me _before, but plenty of times did I wear it on my face. _Jealousy_. As soon as that guy saw that I was ogling Kendall, his demeanor changed. He practically snatched his friend away before I could steal him. I bet he _was _his boyfriend. Damn. So he was gay, but likely seeing somebody. Does that mean he was still flirting with me? What sort of person does that make him? Not a very nice one. I felt crushed on the inside. Maybe I was reading people wrong.

* * *

The next day I had off, and I took that chance to actually do something social and see my friend Lucy. We've been BFFs since high school, and she's seen me through a lot. She was the one who helped me come out to my parents, among other things, so I don't take our friendship lightly. Funny, too, that neither of us had ever had a real relationship.

We went and had lunch at a local burger place. Our conversations lately had only been through text messages, which I hate, so you can imagine how much catching up we had to do. She went on and on about her family, which is constantly having problems. I feel terrible about that. All through high school, her parents were getting a divorce. It was extremely ugly, and it ultimately divided her siblings.

"Well, anyway," Lucy said just after popping a French fry into her mouth. "Old news is old news, right?"

"Haha, right," I agreed. Lucy is the only person where I can really be myself. I don't hide behind anything, I don't act shy. I'm outgoing, friendly and open with her.

"So what's up with you lately, Logie Bear?"

"Okay, well, this is silly, but…" I scooted my chair closer to her and lowered the volume of my voice. "There's a guy, right?"

"Yeeeaahh?" her slanted eyes grew wide.

"I dunno. He's amazing looking, and I think he's been flirting with me."

"Really?"

"Not sure."

"You seem sad about it."

"Huh? Well, I think he has a boyfriend."

"You think or you know?"

"I think. He's been with this guy sometimes, and then yesterday he saw me looking at him, and then he looked really weird."

"I'm kind of lost, Logan," Lucy said. She stared at me funny. "The boyfriend looked at you funny, or the guy you like did?"

"The boyfriend. He looked…jealous."

"That doesn't necessarily mean he's his boyfriend. You're reading too far into it. This guy actively flirts with you, right?"

"I _think _so."

"Then don't worry about it." Lucy grabbed her soda and sat back in her chair. She took a long sip and winced. I wish I could be as dismissive of things as her. Stuff just doesn't bug her. She doesn't worry about anything. I on the other hand could be an Olympic class worry wart. "You're such a nut," she said.

"Huh? Why? Why do you say that now?"

"Because you are! You gotta just relax and take things as they go."

"Yeah well, that's true," I agreed. It would be silly to argue with her, because she was right. But it's so hard to not worry. Kendall made my heart beat so fast, I didn't know what to do. I had never felt like that about anybody before. Part of me wished that he had never shown signs of interest, because then I could just accept it as a fantasy and leave it at that. I expressed this though to Lucy and she said, "Stop."

"Stop what?" I asked.

"Stop thinking it's safer inside your shyness bubble. It's not."

"_Shyness bubble_?"

"Yeah, you always live there." She stood up and picked up her garbage. "Are you done? Okay. See, you live in an isolated little world. You let me in a while ago, but that's basically it. You're afraid to walk outside of it, because the world overstimulates you, and the idea of real interaction makes you too nervous to deal with. But when you stay inside that bubble for so long, you get depressed, because nobody else is in there."

"But you said that you're in…"

"Shh. Just stop!" Lucy hissed. "You need to break out of your bubble! I don't know how, 'cause I've tried and you're still like that."

I groaned apprehensively and followed her to the trashcan. Maybe she was right, and I had to break out of my "shyness bubble," but I didn't know how to do it any better than she. We finished up our conversation and I went to the gym, followed by an early dinner and bedtime.

* * *

When I was back at work the following day, I focused real hard on not thinking about Kendall. It now confused me so, and I couldn't get distracted by these stupid thoughts. The shift went on without much of a hassle, and finally I was free. I left the Riker's and walked out to the familiar bus stop by the main road. It was a view I knew all too well; two lanes each direction and a concrete median strip. They once had grass there, but people kept running up on the curb and destroying the grass that they just paved it all over. At the bus stop on the other side of the road, the 39 running north, there was a young couple. They were holding hands and talking to each other. It's just young love, of course, and everyone says that it comes and goes, but I had never experienced such a thing. Back in high school, I was so shy and focused on my studies that I couldn't even be bothered by that nonsense. Plus I kept my sexual orientation to myself, and I didn't even know any other gay kids. I always wanted romance, but I was far too shy to even try and find it. Now that I was older, I needed it. I couldn't let my youth pass me by without a sweep-me-off-my-feet love. But as long as I stayed in my little "shyness bubble" I guess it would never happen.

"Hey," a voice snapped me out of my deep thinking. I first assumed it wasn't directed at me, but once I ignored it, he spoke again. "Heeey. I'm talking to yoooou." So I turned around quickly and almost shit bricks when I saw Kendall standing there.

"Oh," I said, sucking in air. "Hhhhi."

"You takin' the bus home?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"You don't drive?"

"Nah."

"Whatever works I guess, right?" he flashed a bright smile from under the brim of a dark baseball cap. I giggled with utter nervousness.

"Do you?" I asked.

"What, drive? Yeah, but my mom had to use the car today."

"Oohhh."

"I know, I know. One day I'll have my own car, I swear!" he laughed, and I guess I did, too. My hands were getting sweaty.

"So you're riding the 39 today?" I asked.

"Yep."

"That's cool…are you going the right direction?"

"I think so."

"People get it messed up sometimes, especially if they're used to driving. Since I ride it every day, I see it happen a lot. 'Wait, no! This isn't the way!' they say."

Kendall's eye squinted as he laughed at my impression of a random person. "I think I'm doing it right," he said between chortles. Then, the 39 came up along the curb and stopped.

"This is it," I said, pointing at the bus. I boarded and dropped my cash into the machine at the front, as did Kendall. He followed closely behind me and sat down right next to where I did. The bus was pretty crowded and full of noise. I inhaled sharply as his long, firm thigh pressed up against mine. Our arms touched, too. This felt like a dream. Was he actually sitting next to me on a bus? Okay, he knows me from work and we're friendly. He could still do this if he wasn't interested in me.

"Oh, what's your name, by the way?" Kendall asked. Heart in my throat, I softly said, "Logan."

"Logan…" Kendall repeated. Hearing him say my name made me scream like a fangirl on the inside. Asking my name wasn't anything special. You could be just friends and ask that, sure. Then out of the blue, Kendall asked, "You work out?" He was looking at my arm.

"Um. Yeah, I do," I answered quietly. Could _that_ be a friend's only thing to say?

"Looks good."

I swallowed hard. "T-thanks."

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?" I looked at him with my eyes wide open. Why did he ask that? Was I acting funny? Did he know? I felt like a deer struck by headlights.

"You're so shy," he said softly. "Why is that?"

"Just how I am," I answered. "I dunno."

Kendall sat up a bit and narrowed his eyes at the front of the bus. "This one's mine," he said. "I think. Yeah. I gotta go." The bus stopped and just before he got up, his hand lightly grabbed my upper arm and squeezed it. He tipped his chin to me and walked off.

I froze. Time froze. Life froze. I kept looking at my arm in disbelief. _That _was flirting, no way around it. The place where his fingers had touched felt hot. I had to fight real hard to not hyperventilate on the bus. I felt super self-conscious all of the sudden. My eyes quickly looked all around the bus, but nobody even gave a shit. People are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice, and I guess the same goes for me. When I got to my usual stop, I teetered off of the bus and gently put my hand over my arm. I closed my eyes for a moment, took in the amazing moment, then floated home.


	3. Hypnotic Vocals

I had to tell Lucy about what happened on the bus with Kendall, but not before I went to bed. In the morning, I took the bus down to the Snazz Cup coffee café where she works early shifts during the week. After 10 o'clock she usually gets a small break, so I made sure to roll in around then.

I snuck up to the counter and whispered, "Hey! Lucy!" She peered around the corner of one of their machines and answered, "What? Are why are you whispering?"

"I dunno!"

"You look happy."

"I am! When's your break?"

She looked up at the clock on the wall. "I could take one now, I guess. Hold on." Lucy set down a rag she had been holding and walked to the office, presumably to ask permission from her manager or whatever. She soon came back out, hung up her apron and came through the swing door around the side. "Let's go outside," she said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front door. I stood outside around the Snazz Cup chairs awkwardly as Lucy lit up a cigarette.

"Well, okay," I began. "When I took the bus home last night, that guy came up and started talking to me."

"Your crush?"

"Yeeaah him. And we rode the bus together! And then when he got off, he touched my arm!" I couldn't help but grin ear to ear as I explained this.

"Oh, wow. That's definitely flirting," Lucy said, somewhat excited but mostly surprised. "I guess he's gay after all."

"It was soooo…I dunno. Great!"

"I'm happy for you. Did he ask you out?"

"No."

"Well, give it time," Lucy let out a long stream of smoke. "He's definitely interested." At that moment, she smiled at somebody over my shoulder and said, "Hi! Good morning."

I quick looked around and…you wouldn't believe it. Walking into the Snazz Cup was none other than Kendall! He stopped and returned the greeting to Lucy, and then he looked at me, smiled and said, "I didn't know you two knew each other. You aren't dating, are you?"

"No, no, no," I said very quickly, starting to get stressed out. This really put me on the spot, since my guard is always down around Lucy. I wasn't ready to address Kendall like a friend yet. "Just best friends."

"Uhh, yeah," Lucy said, a little suspiciously. Kendall said, "Alright, well, I'll be back out in a minute."

"That's the guy!" I whispered to my friend once Kendall walked into the coffee joint.

"Seriously?"

"Yeaaaahh!"

"Holy shit. I had no idea."

"Do you _know _him? Are you _friends_?" I asked, feeling even more nervous. She was likely about to tell me things I didn't need to know. What if she had actually been dating him?

"Not friends really, but he's a regular here and we talk sometimes."

"Does he seem nice?"

"From what I can tell. BUT, don't judge him entirely on my impression." Lucy put her cigarette out into an ashtray on the table and went to go back inside. "You should go watch him play."

"Play where? Wait wait!" I snatched her by the shoulder before she could go inside. Kendall was inside, and he couldn't ever hear us talking.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Lucy asked with a snide smile. "He plays guitar basically every day in the city center."

"That's so cool," I said.

"His family is well off, so he doesn't have to worry about working right now. He says he spends most of his time being a performer." She broke free of my grasp and went back into the store regardless. I stood there, unable to speak. It was hard for me to fathom that Lucy had known the guy I was crushing on the whole time. I felt a little creeped out, even, not sure why.

Looking in through the front glass of the café, I saw that Lucy was back behind the counter and she was talking to Kendall. She laughed and smiled as she spoke, as did the boy. This made me nervous. Were they talking about me? They couldn't…she wouldn't…!

They waved goodbye to each other and Kendall headed towards the entrance with some sort of cold drink in his hand. I quickly looked away and took out my phone, pretending to have been preoccupied the entire time. The door swung open and Kendall caught my attention. "That's so cool you guys are friends," he said.

"Yeaahhh," I answered quietly. "For a long, long time."

"She's a cool girl for sure. I've been going here for almost a year now."

"Really?"

"Yep. Never seen you hanging out here though."

"I don't usually," I said, looking down. "I try not to bug her while she's working, you know."

"Makes sense. Anyway, I'm gonna head downtown, so I'll see you around, right?"

"Yeah."

He reached out and knocked me on the shoulder before waving and walking away. I held my breath and watched him go to his car and drive off. He was just perfect. Perfect in every way. The beat up car exited the parking lot and I immediately dashed back inside the Snazz Cup.

"I gotta work now," Lucy warned me over the counter. "I've spent enough time chatting today."

"But what did you…"

"Seriously, Logan. My boss won't be happy. I'll give you a call when I get off, okay? Promise."

"Okay, okay," I grumbled.

"Not my fault, sorry!" She called out as I sulked away.

Walking back to the bus stop to get home, I considered what Lucy had told me about Kendall playing downtown. Also, that he said he was headed there next. I guess he was going to start, so I thought it might be nice to go and listen. I skipped route 39 and instead took the 25; city center. It was a crowded and uncomfortable ride, filled with loud, chatty immigrants and hyper active tweens. I did my best to shut off the noise and simply wait it out peacefully until I got to my destination. Ten minutes later or so, the bus stopped off by the big fountain downtown, and I left then. It was a pretty day, definitely, and the streets were filled with people. I stepped over to the fountain, which is surrounded by a ring of sidewalk, and then a ring of trees. It's very large, and people like to put down blankets and just hang out. Usually they start that later in the day, but there were a few here and there. As I walked the perimeter of the fountain, I soon heard a sweet acoustic melody, followed by soothing, hypnotic vocals.

_I heard a song today_

_Reminded me of Spain_

_You were the innocent in springtime…_

I rounded the fountain and saw Kendall sitting on part of the ledge. He was playing a guitar and singing a song that I didn't know, but it sounded really amazing. He had a great voice. I sat on the ledge as well, but far enough from him that he likely wouldn't notice me. Many a great number of people passed in front of Kendall, but they all ignored him. Then, a middle aged woman came up to him with what looked like money in her hand, but he shook his head and she walked away with a shrug. How interesting. He continued the play and I watched on. His face was filled with passion and love for his music, and the entire "performance" seemed to come natural to him. It was an amazing thing to see. I wanted to stay there forever.

But then the song finished, he smiled to himself, and happened to look over in my direction. I startled and acted as if I had been caught sneaking into a place I shouldn't be, but Kendall smiled and waved for me to come closer. I did, hesitantly, and he greeted me entirely with happiness. "You follow me here, huh?" he said teasingly.

"Well, I thought, you know, it might be cool to hear you."

"So whaddya think?"

"You sound amazing!" I made a cute, small smile and tried my hardest to keep eye contact with him. It was difficult.

"Thank you so much," he said. "I really appreciate it. Music is just my thing, I guess. My dream is to play professionally someday, but until then, I just hang out here. Every now and then I get a bit of an audience. That's cool, right?"

"Yeah! Really!"

"Hey, so what drives you?" Kendall asked. He set his guitar down in its case and slid closer to me. We were about ten inches apart.

"What do you mean, drives me?"

"Like, your passion? What do you strive to do? What makes your life meaningful?"

"I'm not sure," I said. This was an interesting question that I had never really thought about before. "I really like mathematics. And biology. I guess that makes me sound like a nerd."

"It's cute," Kendall said quickly. I looked at him and said nothing. He looked embarrassed all of the sudden. "Well, hey," he said. "Me and my buds are gonna be playing basketball tomorrow. You wanna come with?"

"Oh, what?" I asked in surprise. It wasn't really a date, but hanging out with his friends counts as something. My heart rate picked up. "Where? When?"

"You know the park on Clyde avenue?"

"No…"

"The stop I took on the bus yesterday."

"Uh huh."

"That's Clyde. Just go down there, and it's a park. We meet at 6. Every Friday, actually."

"I've never really played basketball before," I said coyly. Kendall reached out and put his hand onto my shoulder. It was warm and friendly and I instantly wanted to melt into his arms, but I resisted that urge of course. "It's alright," he said softly. "We just fart around, have fun and relax. But you don't have to come if you don't wanna."

"No, I do! I'll come." I tried to perk up and look at him. He was smiling and his cheeks were a little red. "Cool," he said. "So you wanna stick around and listen to some more music?"

"Actually, I gotta get going. I still have to head into work."

"That's cool, no worries. Don't be late, but I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll be there." I sat up from the fountain and started to walk away. Kendall picked up his guitar again and played a few strings. He looked at me and tipped his with a wink. I stepped backwards and waved, smiling.


	4. Picture This

Friday morning, I woke up with a big grin on my face. Today was my almost date with Kendall! Almost, because I was going to hang out with his friends, too; but it was still time to see him that wasn't just by accident or chance.

I slept in late, had breakfast around 11, got dressed and then did some chores for a while. Since my parents aren't totally comfortable with my sexuality, I hadn't told them about my crush on Kendall. After the house was vacuumed and the clean dishes put away, I fumbled around on the internet for a while. In the meantime, I was texting Lucy. I told her about my plans with Kendall in the evening and she sent an approving, "Amazing!" message back. "Want me to give you a ride?"

"That would rock," I wrote back. Inside I was giddy, but also nervous. What if I looked like a fool? What if I did something stupid? What would I wear…it was basketball, so definitely nothing fancy. I opened up my closet and stared at my way too small wardrobe. Shorts. Light grey shorts. That works. And how about a regular white t-shirt? Nothing wrong with that. I put on my choice of clothes and then shuffled off to my mirror. My hair looked flat. I ran a comb through it and tried to give it some life. Appropriate to put some mousse in? Why not. I slathered some in and gave it a nice curve. I topped it off with a pair of sunglasses and left the house.

As I stepped outside, I was greeted by the roar of a motorcycle idling in the driveway. I waved and ran up to it and took the other helmet that was held out to me. "Thanks," I said. Lucy lifted up the shield over the eyes of her own helmet and smiled. "Hop on," she told me, and I did. I climbed up onto the back and wrapped my arms around her thin waist. The engine revved and we backed out of my driveway.

You might think that I am scared to drive on the back of Lucy's motorcycle, and you're right; I am. Especially since she hasn't had her license for very long. But she's a good driver, and I've ridden with her enough that I got used to it. The wind lapped around our bodies as we drove into the evening. It was super nice out, too! I kept my arms tight around Lucy's hips and began to envision what events would unfold tonight. Would Kendall actually ask me out? What are his friends like? And then it hit me; that Hispanic guy might be there. I don't think he liked me very much, after that look he shot in my general direction at the pharmacy. My stomach flipped over and I suddenly began to regret agreeing to hang out with them all.

Lucy turned down Clyde avenue and slowed down. She pointed out the park at the end of the street and I nodded. There were some children climbing around on a big set of playground equipment as the parents looked on. Lucy pulled up into the small parking lot and shut the motorcycle off. I dismounted and removed the helmet, handed it to her and looked around nervously. My phone showed that it was exactly 6, so these guys should arrive at any minute. At the end of the parking lot there was a large expanse of grass and then the basketball courts. I squinted and saw four people on one of courts, tossing around a ball. I looked over at Lucy and winced.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I dunno. Is this a good idea?"

"Oh, Logie-Bear, relax. What could go wrong? You're hanging out with your crush."

"But what if something goes wrong?" I whined, but Lucy just rolled her eyes. "Seriously dude, just relax," she said. I sighed heavily and she patted me on the shoulder. Her advice is never wrong, so I swallowed my fear and headed in the direction of the basketball courts. I kept looking over my shoulder and grimacing at Lucy, and every time she rolled her eyes and or shook her head. "I'll be back at sundown to take you home, okay?" She yelled out. I nodded and kept walking.

Once I got close enough, I saw that it _was _in fact Kendall with three other people; a blonde girl, a tall and especially good looking guy, and then of course the Hispanic I had been fretting so profusely over. I was shuffling through the just-mowed grass when I heard Kendall call out my name. I looked up at him and smiled sheepishly. He was wearing a thin brown tank top and denim shorts, incredibly attractive as usual. The other tall guy, he had dark hair and a gorgeous face, came running up behind Kendall and pushed him out of the way. The Latino and the girl were still just talking and tossing the basketball around, almost ignoring me. I didn't like that. But this new guy grinned real big and asked Kendall, "This is the guy?"

"Yeah!" Kendall said.

"He's adorable," the other guy said. He wiped sweat off of his forehead with the strap of his black tank top.

"My buddy James," Kendall told me. "We grew up together."

I looked at James in the eyes and said, "Hi. I'm Logan," very shyly. This guy practically radiated with attractiveness, and I suddenly felt ugly and meek. Kendall, probably sensing this, ran up alongside me quickly and forwardly put his arm around my shoulders. I resisted with every muscle in my body to _not _fall all over him, and it was hard! He smelled like thick, sweet sweat, but I loved it. "Don't worry," Kendall said quietly. "I'm not dating him." He peered down at me and winked. I was speechless. Kendall released his arm from me and ran off to his other friends. "Come on, guys," he said. "Say hi to my new friend, Logan."

The girl and the Hispanic were caught by Kendall's attention and turned around to look at me. Kendall pointed at the girl and said, "This is Jo, we went to high school together." Then he motioned in the Latino's direction and said, "And this is Carlos." The fact that he didn't follow that introduction up with anything else made me super nervous. There was no way that he could be dating this Carlos guy, right? He practically just announced he was single with his comment about James.

"Oh, Kendall," Jo said. "He _is _really cute!" Kendall blushed and looked away shyly. "Anyway," he said. "You wanna get started?"

James threw the ball at Kendall, who caught it right away. He dribbled it on the pavement and passed it to me. I held it awkwardly to my chest with both hands. "Hey hey, wait, I told you I'm not very good at this game!" I said.

"Yeah and I said it didn't matter," Kendall told me. He stepped close to me again and laid his palms down on the top of the ball. Our fingertips touched and eyes locked. "Just relax and have fun, don't feel so self-conscious," Kendall said in a mere whisper. I swallowed firmly and just stared back at him. Kendall winked once more and said, "You look awesome."

"Aheeemm," James called out from behind. "We playing or just having a moment over there?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kendall grumbled.

"It's sweet," Jo said quietly to James, but I heard it anyway. My face started to really light up, but then Carlos cleared his throat and began to walk away.

"Yo! Carlitos! Where you goin'?" Kendall shouted.

"I-I gotta get home, I forgot about…something…" Carlos said without turning around.

"Hey wait!" James yelled out. He went to run after Carlos, but Kendall stuck out his arm and stopped him. "Don't," the blond guy said. I continued to hold onto the basketball, feeling especially awkward now. James frowned and looked over at me. "Don't feel bad about it," he said sweetly. "He's just not over it all yet."

"Over it all?" I asked. Kendall sighed uncomfortably and slid his hands off of the ball. I dropped it after that and it bounced away then rolled into the grass. Jo was walking in circles on the pavement.

"Sorry this got weird," Kendall said. He walked to the ball and kicked it back towards Jo, who caught it with her foot. "You guys can go ahead. I'm gonna walk with Logan for a little while."

"O-okay," Jo said. She wrinkled her forehead with worry, but James soon jumped out in front of her and stole the ball away. "Hey!" she yelled. He stuck out his tongue, but I didn't watch anymore. Kendall put his hand on my shoulder and began to strut through the grass with me. "I should have known better," he said quietly. "It's my fault."

"What's going on?" I asked nervously. _Here it comes_.

"I just broke up with Carlos about a month ago," Kendall admitted.

"Ohhh," I said, sighing on the inside. What a relief! Okay, maybe not an entire relief, because often times when people break up they get back together. But at least it explained why Carlos acted weird around me, and it proved that Kendall was in fact single. "Why did you break up?" I asked.

"It's complicated," said Kendall. We walked under low hanging branches of what seemed to be a fruitless cherry tree. His hand stayed on my shoulder, lightly making circles with his fingers. The sensation was amazing and hard to take in, and even harder to remain serious. A good looking guy had never touched me as much as he did.

"That's okay," I said. "You don't need to tell me. I understand."

"Ahh, not a big deal," Kendall said. He slowed down now. "It just wasn't working out. We agreed that it would work better as friends, which is how we started. James and Carlos have been my friends for more than half of my life. Two years ago, Carlos admitted that he had always been crushing on me. I sorta felt the same way, just sorta, and thought it would be cool to try out. So, we did, and it went well, but at the end of the day, like I said; better as friends."

"Do you think it's better as friends, actually?" I asked.

"I do. And it'll work out. But since the breakup, I haven't been openly interested in any new guys. So I guess it's just a little too soon and a little too much for him to take in. I wish he would find someone else and move on."

"Sorry." I felt bad about this, and partially responsible for Carlos being upset. "Is this my fault?"

"Noooo, not at all!" Kendall stopped completely and turned to me. His other hand now went upon my opposing shoulder and he pulled me close. Our chests were only about two inches apart from each other, and somehow my heart did not pop out and hit him. "You know, I've been going to the Riker's for a while now," he said softly. "I noticed when you got hired. Right when I saw your face, I sorta had a vibe that you were gay. I kept a distance for a while and wondered how to strike up a conversation. It was just good luck that you happened to drop all that crap when I finally walked by. You know how long I had been mustering up the courage to do that? Just walk by?"

I was so flattered. It seemed as though Kendall had been putting as much time into daydreaming about me as I had with him, and even more so! I had been at the pharmacy for three weeks only, and half of that time I hadn't seen Kendall. I blushed and my mouth fell open a little, but words would not come out. This was like some sappy teenage romance movie; the sun setting across the park, casting shadows from the playground equipment across the grass. The sounds of children laughing continued to ring throughout the air, echoed periodically by the twang of Jo and James hitting the basketball around.

"I'm very interested in you," Kendall whispered. "I wanna know more about you."

Very nervously, I lifted my hands and placed them on Kendall's chest. It was smooth and bony, warm and sweaty, but oh so inviting. My fingers touched him delicately and his mouth curved into a small, satisfied smile. Beneath the damp tank top was a long expanse of milky skin, dotted with freckles and just a small amount of body hair. I closed my eyes and took the moment in all at once. But then Kendall's hands slipped off of my shoulders and he said, "Let's get back there, okay?" The romance was gone all at once, but that was okay. It would come back for sure. As I followed Kendall back to the courts, he looked over his shoulder and said, "Just don't worry about Carlos. He needs to get over it on his own."

"If you're sure," I said.

"I'm suuuurre!" he sang back to me, spinning around once and walking backwards for a moment. I giggled at his silliness, and he really was silly. His face lit up with an immature yet quaint sense of childishness. He suddenly took off and tackled James, who was holding the ball. "GIVE IT TO ME!" he yelled as they began to wrestle.

"No!" James hissed. Kendall palmed him on the top of his head, and the brown haired guy suddenly let out a loud scream and backed off, evidently dropped the ball, which Kendall immediately scooped up like a pelican. "Not the hair!" James yelped. He now desperately tried to fix it.

Kendall ran with the ball towards me and tossed it my direction. I took it and looked around with my eyes wide open. Jo popped out from behind Kendall and waved her arms around. "Umm!" I said. Jo nodded and kept waving, so I sort of threw-tossed-bounced the ball to her. She ran, bent over, and snatched it up real quick. Then she took it to the hoop and threw it smack down into it.

"Ohh, that was amazing!" I exclaimed. Jo bowed in a comical fashion and grabbed the ball once more. We continued to horse around like that for another hour or so, until it became a little too dark to stick around. James and Jo left in her car together, and Kendall walked to up to his. The stars were beginning to sparkle in the sky. As we stepped across the asphalt of the lot, Kendall took my hand. Those long fingers entwined with mine, and my heart nearly stopped. He gave me a small squeeze and I returned it. We were both silent as we approached his car, when he suddenly paused and looked straight up. "Weird, huh?" he said.

"What is?"

"The sky."

"I guess."

"It's big," Kendall said this with a hint of poignancy in his voice. He kept his eyes fixated on the heavenly roof above, and his hand tightly wrapped around mine.

"Endless, likely," I added.

"Look!" He took his free hand and pointed it up to a tiny star that was shooting across the length of the sky. "Wooow!" he exclaimed in a breathy whisper.

"Have you never seen a shooting star before?"

"Nooooo!" a great big smile grew across his face as he watched it burn out in the atmosphere. All of the sudden, he turned to be, clapped his pointing hand onto my cheek and placed a chaste kiss smack on my lips. It was brief but loving. When he pulled away, his eyes were open and he had bright red cheeks. "Anyway, I gotta run," he said very quickly and let go of my hand. He winked once and jumped into his car. The engine started up, reverse lights came on, and then he was gone. I didn't say anything, as I didn't know any words in any language to could accurately describe the big rush of emotions I was then experiencing. The single headlight of Lucy's motorcycle rolled up and I barely even noticed it.

"You alright?" she shouted over the roar of the hog. I continued to stare at where Kendall had been standing, practically ignoring my friend. My eyes were wide and my cheeks bright red.

"I am more than alright," I said. "Very much more than alright."


	5. Seems Legit

I clung to Lucy's waist as she drove me home on the back of her motorcycle. My helmet-clad head rested against her back, and I was so overwhelmed with joy that I couldn't be bothered by anything else. "I'm in love," I whispered to myself, knowing that my friend wouldn't be able to hear me. The trees whipped past us, and soon we approached my house. Lucy pulled up in front and shut off the motorcycle. She removed her helmet, shook her hair out and asked, "So what happened?"

I sprang off of the cycle and spun around in a circle with my hands up to my chest. I kept my eyes closed and a smile reached from ear to ear.

"I'm guessing well?" Lucy asked. I hummed happily to myself and nodded, turned around and walked towards the house. "Okay, I guess you'll tell me later, then!" she yelled out and me. I kept nodding and took out my keys. Lucy revved up the engine once more and I heard her drive away. My heart was so warm feeling, I wanted to hold the sensation inside forever. I hovered off to bed and fell asleep immediately.

* * *

Work came and went, and I didn't see Kendall or any of his friends. Of course my giddiness settled, but I was still high on that one small kiss. Who would have imagined that the super-hot guy I happened to bump into while working would end up falling for me? My attitude was so different that even Ella, the creepy manager noticed. She came up to me while I was restocking shelves on Saturday. "Hey Mitchell?" she asked. I turned around with a smile on my face that couldn't be hidden. "Yeah?" I answered.

"I've noticed you've been extra happy these last shifts," she said.

"Yep." I giggled behind my hand and blushed.

"It's good to see you breaking out of your shell."

"I guess!"

"So what happened?" She put her hands on her hips and suddenly looked scary.

"Uhh," I stared at her with my eyes wide open. Hesitating, I said, "Well, I'm in love."

"Oh." Ella's face fell blank and her arms dropped. She turned her head and said, "Mmhmm, mmhmm," several times, nodding. Feeling awkward, I continued to put boxes of tissues away on the shelf, but she was still standing behind me. "Who is she?" Ella asked.

"Just some girl, I know from a, friend," I said. My eyes were wide and I tried to not act terribly weird.

"That's cool. Glad you're happy about it."

"Thanks…" I kept my eyesight fixed on the tissues. The air became stale with this awkward conversation, but soon Ella walked away. Maybe she would stop bugging me now. The last few boxes went up on the shelf and I moved on.

The rest of the day was uneventful and soon came to pass. Around 8 o'clock I was out of there and made my way to the bus stop. It was a cool night for summer, thanks to a frontal system that knocked the humidity out of the way. I waited by the bus schedule with my hands in my pockets, looking up at the sky. I could hear Kendall's voice in my head; "Weird, huh?"

I smiled and walked through the events of that night over and over in my head. Part of me still felt bad about his friend Carlos, though. I didn't mean to cause him any upset, but obviously I had. I did my best to concentrate on how Kendall told me not to worry about it.

The bus still hadn't arrived yet, and I continued to watch the heavens. Stars were popping out all over the place, and the longer I stared, more appeared. There _is _something heart wrenching about staring at the sky. What is it? So strange.

A car pulled up in front of the curb there and the window rolled down. I saw it in my peripheral and wrote it off as someone being dropped off, but then someone called out to me. "Logan! Hey!" I jumped and fixed my eyes down. It was a car I had become familiar with; Kendall's car. He leaned over the passenger's seat and waved at me. "Want a ride?"

"O-okay," I said, not even thinking really. I opened the door and climbed inside. The car was sort of dirty, but mostly clean, if that makes any sense at all. I clicked in the seat belt and said, "Thanks."

"I saw you there and thought maybe it would be a nice change," Kendall said. He started to drive away.

"It is."

"And thank _you _for coming out yesterday."

"No problem. It was fun." I pretended to be minimally excited about the whole thing. If he knew how ecstatic that kiss had made me, it could possibly turn him off. My hands stayed plastered to the tops of my thighs as we drove on.

"Where do you live?" he asked.

"Just off of Maple. You know where that is?"

"Yeah, I think so. If I go down Thomasville Rd and take uhhh…"

"Edmonston."

"Right. Cool. Alright, yeah I know where that is." Kendall flashed a smile at me while he stared straight ahead. I couldn't help but look. He had a little bit of scruff on his jawline, and his eyes were glinting in the streetlights. I wanted to reach out and touch him so badly, but I kept to myself.

"Sorry about Carlos," Kendall said finally.

"Oh, it's okay. I mean, I feel bad but…"

"He's been testy lately. I dunno what to do. No way I'm going to let go of you just 'cause he's too immature."

As he spoke, I felt sparkles on the inside. That was so incredibly sweet. Alright, no time for playing games. I decided right then and there that I had to make a move on him, so I picked up my hand and slowly reached out to his arm. My fingers delicately touched his bicep, which was surprising firm for being so thin. He had a big tattoo of a skull on that arm, and I traced around the outline of it with my index finger.

"It means a lot to me," Kendall said.

"What does?"

"The tattoo."

"Oohh. I never really looked at it before, but there's a lot going on in it, isn't there?" I leaned in close and saw the incredible detail.

"Yep. Oh, I turn here, yeah?"

I looked up and confirmed his question. He took the left down Edmonston street but then pulled over in front of a house that wasn't mine. "This isn't mine," I said.

"I know," Kendall said quietly. He shut off the car and then shifted in his seat so that he faced me. "I want to keep talking, but we'll run out of time as soon as I get to your house. Live with your parents, right?"

"Yeah." Both of my hands fell into my lap, by Kendall took them up and held them together between his. I blushed.

"Do they _know_?" Kendall asked.

"About me being gay? Yeah."

"No, I mean us." He squeezed my hands and started to slowly inch his face towards mine.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Eh…I don't want to trouble them with anything if it's not real."

"Why wouldn't it be real?"

"It's just flirting."

Kendall looked at me with his deep, almost mind reading green eyes and made a serious face. He let go of my hands and slipped both of his palms on either side of my face. I stared back at him and said nothing as he cradled my cheeks. Then, he gently pulled my lips up to his and kissed me. I immediately closed my eyes and tried to open my mouth. Kissing was not at all something I was good at, but I tried. Kendall sucked my lower lip inside his mouth and brushed his tongue along it. Our mouths smacked and popped as we frenched. My hands were shaking from nervousness, but I still managed to reach up and slip them around Kendall's neck. We embraced and continued to kiss. Now I felt a little awkward as my pants got tight. But then, Kendall broke off the kiss and moved back a few inches.

"Open your eyes," he said, and I did. He was smiling at me with a bright red face. "Now," he whispered. "Did _that _seem real?"

It was the most romantic moment of my life. I didn't want it to end. I gazed into Kendall's eyes and fought hard not to cry, as I was entirely overwhelmed with fuzzy emotions.

"You alright?" Kendall asked, still smiling.

"Yeah."

"Have you kissed like that before?"

"No."

"Ever had a boyfriend?"

"…no." I spoke very quietly, afraid he might judge or something. But he just thumbed over my lips and chuckled innocently. "Would it make you uncomfortable if I asked, are you a virgin?"

"I am."

"That's alright," Kendall said confidently. He put another small kiss on my lips, and I couldn't help but smile. "I think it's kinda sweet, even," he added.

"You're not then, right?" I asked nervously.

"No. I've had sex with Carlos plenty of times."

"Good. He has a nice butt."

"Ohh," I hummed. There was no reason to feel jealous, but I did somewhat. "And James?"

"No, only friends."

"I see."

Kendall took his hands away from my face and replaced them around my chest. He gave me a big strong hug and squeezed me tight. It caught me off guard and I shot out a lot of sharp air from my mouth. Kendall laughed. "You're too fucking cute," he said.

"I am?"

"Yeah, definitely. Adorable. Really adorable."

"Th-thanks…" I said coyly.

"So I want to take you out," he said all of the sudden. "When are you free next?"

"Ummm…tomorrow after 6."

"Let's go do something. Would that be cool? I'll pick you up at work."

"Oh! No!" I exclaimed. He couldn't get me from work and go on a date, I'd look like crap. "Wait until I get home first pleaaase? Call it 7."

"Alright, sure. That works too."

"Thanks."

"Not a problem." He let go of me and started the car up once more. I sat back into my seat and tried my best to adjust my pants, which felt like they were going to burst open soon. Kendall saw me doing this and I pulled my hands away quickly. He said nothing and continued to drive.

"So you're parents are okay with you like this?" he asked at one point.

"Yeah, but only _okay_. I wouldn't say they're cool or great with it."

"My mom doesn't know."

"Really?"

"Nope. I don't want her to, either. It's just not her problem. If I ever get married or whatever I guess she'll have to find out, but I don't plan on it."

"Why not?" I put my elbow upon the window frame and stared out into the neighborhood which rolled by gently. We were getting very close to my home now.

"What, get married?"

"Yeah."

"I don't see the point."

"That's sort of sad," I said quietly.

"Nah. Why? It's a lot of fuss for nothing but a mess. I don't need anything like that to prove I love somebody, you know what I mean?"

"Not really," I said. Kendall laughed and put his right hand onto my thigh. Goosebumps suddenly filled my body and I shivered a bit. His fingers squeezed me and rubbed somewhat. The touch felt so amazing, I wanted it all over my body, to be honest. I closed my eyes and imagined how it would feel to be in bed with him. This did nothing for my pants, though, and I had to readjust the way I was sitting.

"Here," I said quickly, pointing to my house on the right. "This is it."

"Alright, cool," Kendall said and he pulled over on the curb. I undid the seatbelt and went to put my hand on the door, but he grabbed my other arm and pulled me close. "Tomorrow at 7, right?" he asked. I looked at him and nodded. "Tomorrow at 7," I said to reiterate. He took the collar of my shirt and yanked my face close to his again. He planted a fat kiss on my lips and they made a loud smack as we pulled apart. I looked at him silently for a second, just watching his handsome face react. He had a fair amount of freckles all over his cheeks and nose, which I found to be totally adorable.

"Well, bye," I whispered.

"See ya tomorrow."

I walked out of the car and waved before he drove off into the night. Tomorrow would be my first official date with Kendall. How would I ever get through work? I tried to not think about it as I walked inside. The moment I opened the door, my mother was standing there. I jumped when I saw her.

"Who was that?" she asked sharply.

"Huh?"

"Someone gave you a ride. Who was it?"

"Why?"

"What are you hiding?"

"Nothing."

She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. "Someone did just give a ride now, right?"

"Y-yes. Just some guy."

"_Some _guy? Jesus Christ Logan, you can't just be getting rides from _some _guy. Did you at least know him?"

"Yes, I do." I tried to walk past my mom but she put up a fair blockade with her body. "Mom, I just…"

"I worry about you," she interrupted, sounding more compassionate this time. "I don't want you getting in cars with strangers."

"He isn't a stranger."

"Well then who?"

I apprehensively choked on my breathing. She kept glaring at me and I felt totally under pressure, which I cannot handle well. Pulling at the hem of my shirt, I quickly said, "A guy that I'm dating."

Mom let up and allowed me to pass once I said that. She didn't answer me, but watched every step I took as I slumped off to my room. Hopefully, this wasn't going to be an issue for her. She really needs to give me some space and let me grow up. I'll be away in college by the end of the year anyway, so she'd better get used to it.


	6. Stars

In the morning, I slept in as late as possible so that I wouldn't see my mom. To be honest, I was really freaking out about how she had confronted me the night before, and whether or not she was still being weird about it, I didn't want to run into her.

The last bit of sleep that I got before it was safe to wake up, I had a weird dream. In it, Kendall and his two friends Carlos and James were packing suitcases. I tried to ask them what was going on, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, I couldn't breathe. I became very upset and flustered, and then Kendall folded me up and shoved me into one of the suitcases. He said, "You'll be happier like this," and then I woke up. It was after 9, and my mom would definitely be on the road by then. I shook the dream off as best as I could, put on my robe and dragged myself downstairs into the kitchen. When I saw that my mom was sitting at the table, I almost shit bricks.

"Logan," she said without looking up from her phone. I really did not like the tone of her voice.

"Aren't you late for work?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"I don't need to be in until 11. Could you sit down, please?" I said nothing, dragged out a chair and took a seat. My body rattled with the fear of what was to come. "I didn't like the way you talked to me last night," my mother went out. I swallowed hard. "When I ask who gave you a ride home, could you just say some guy you're dating?"

"Sorry," I apologized softly.

"It's okay," my mom said. Finally she took her eyes off of her phone and glanced up at me. "I worry, that's all. I don't want you going out with creepy older men or anything like that."

"Mom, he's my age."

"Alright, well, just be safe, okay?"

"You don't understand," I protested. "I've never even had sex. It's not like that. He's actually a guy that I'm romantically interested in."

There was a look on her face of disgust. She may or may not ever come to terms with my homosexuality, but until that day comes (or doesn't), the thought of me having sex with another man will freak her out. She sucked in her lower lip and nodded to herself, saying nothing more.

"Sorry," I said again. "I know it bothers you."

"We don't need to discuss this any further, right?" She immediately got up from the table and gave me one of those, "I'm alright, but still disappointed with you" smiles. There was nothing I could say at that point, so I just waited for her to leave and then hung out around the house until I left for work.

And WOW! Was it an agonizing shift! Every time I happened to get busy with something, I'd check the clock and hardly any time had gone by. I was going crazy thinking about Kendall. Where would we go? What would we do? How would he look? Would I be cute enough? No, that was silly. He definitely found me cute no matter what I wore, right? I felt like I was about to lose my mind, asking myself these questions over and over in my head. All of the possible answers played out in different scenarios, some ending badly while others went way too far. Maybe we would go to some beautiful, quiet, romantic place and he would take my virginity. Would he move that fast? I wasn't ready, anyway, so maybe that wouldn't be so good.

Eventually, between over worrying and exploding with excitement, my shift ended. I clocked out of there so damned fast, it was a mystery that I didn't leave a trail of fire behind. The 39 came right on time, too. I walked on with a smile for once and took my usual seat near the back. As we rolled down the oh-so-familiar route, I looked out of the window and swelled with anticipation. I would have to get dressed fairly quick to be ready in time.

The bus let me off at my usual stop and I zoomed down the block to my house. The first thing I did was shower, and I paid special attention to making sure I smelled great. I combed my hair up in the style that I usually do when I give a fuck and made sure to shave my face. I splashed on a bit of sweet cologne and went to my closet. This was a date, and an actually date, so I wanted to look good. But I had never gone on a date before, so I wasn't really sure how to dress. It definitely wasn't suit and tie stuff, nor would shorts and a tank top be appropriate. Nice jeans and a plain black t-shirt couldn't exactly fail, right? The shirt is made out of microfiber and I would describe it as _strokeable. _It's actually one of my favorite shirts.

By the time I was finally dressed and ready to go, it was 7 o'clock sharp. Thank God my mother hadn't come home yet, so I at least didn't have to worry about seeing her. The doorbell chimed and I flew down the stairs. I swung open the front door to reveal an amazing looking Kendall. He had on a pair of dark pants, nice shoes and a red button up with a white undershirt peeking through the top two undone buttons. Upon seeing him, I became speechless. He looked _so _hot and tasty that it was hard to believe he was there for me. How could shy little Logan get a stud like Kendall?

"'Sup," he said.

"H-hi. I'm ready whenever," I struggled to say. He took my arm and led me out of the door, which I quickly and shakily locked up. As we walked to his car, he looked over at me and said, "What's up with you? Why are you so nervous?"

"No reason." I answered quickly. He led me to the passenger's side and opened the door for me. I felt blood flow to my cheeks; nobody had ever, ever done that for me. I got inside and said, "thank you" very softly, and then he ran around to the driver's side and got in.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"Can you answer my question first? Actually answer it?" He asked in return. I looked at him and smiled sheepishly. He sees through me too well.

"I guess," I began. Kendall took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. I sighed and let his courage come through me. "I guess I feel like I don't deserve you."

"Why would you say that?" His face suddenly became very serious and he stared at me with great sadness. I bat my eyes in frustration and looked away. "Logan…"

"You're so good looking, and fun, and interesting. But I'm real shy and weird."

"Logan…" Kendall said again, whispering this time. He hugged me and held me tight to his chest. I put my arms around him, too. His back was strong and smelled like a musky, heavy body wash. His lips pressed against my ear and he cooed, "There's nothing wrong with who you are. You need to give yourself more credit, okay?" He pecked my cheek and let go of me, returning his hands to the wheel. I buckled the seatbelt and tried to get comfortable.

"Ummm so where are we going?" I asked once more.

"It's a surprise! Don't be so impatient." Kendall stuck his tongue out at me and started the car. We drove out of my neighborhood and onto the main road that runs through town. I kept my eyes fixed out the window and watched as the buildings passed us by. I kept expecting him to pull off at some point, but we kept driving and driving (for a second, I freaked out and thought that he might be taking me some place to be killed…haha…). He turned up the radio and started singing along with some song I had never heard before. His fingers tapped on the steering wheel, and he was acting as if he was alone in the car. I would be too self-conscious to ever act like that around people, but seeing him let loose was almost endearing. His elbow jabbed me in the side and he smiled, still singing. I giggled but looked away.

"Hey, come on," he said jokingly. "Lighten up a bit."

"I am lightened up."

"Haha, if you say so!" he laughed.

"Are we leaving the city?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"Are we leaving the city?"

"Maaaaybe."

I watched as the bright lights began to fade away. The landscape became more and more suburban. I looked at the clock in the dashboard and noticed we had been driving for half an hour already. It was very peaceful to be in the car with him, and all concept of time had vanished. I enjoyed being in his presence, simple as that.

Night was heavy by now, and soon Kendall pulled off onto a small, tree lined road. We took it for a few minutes, and soon foliage faded into straight grass. The road ended on a toe path, which went into a huge expanse of a field. He pulled over at the end and switched off the engine.

"Is this it?" I asked.

"Yep. Come on, get out. Follow me." Kendall hopped out of the car and kept signaling for me to move faster. This wasn't my idea of a first date, but I honestly didn't mind. Maybe things are better when they stray from the norm.

I ran up behind Kendall and took his hand. We walked out into the field along the path, which seemed to go for a long ways. Tall electrical wires ran through the grass to the left and right, not anywhere near a reasonable walking distance at night. I followed Kendall mindlessly as he continued down the dirt road, our hands still entwined. He suddenly stopped and looked up. "Logan," he said quietly and pointed his free hand up to the sky. "Look there."

I tiled my head back and stared upwards. All I could see was stars and planets. They were sparkling way more than any view within the confines of the city, but there wasn't anything especially amazing to be seen. "What is it?" I asked, thinking I could have been overlooking the obvious.

"Just keep looking," he said. I squint my eyes and focused as hard as I possibly could, but _still _I just saw a million little twinkles upon an ink black canvas. Suddenly, Kendall's arms wrapped around my waist and hoisted me up into the air. I let out a quick scream of surprise and immediately clung to his shoulders. He held me high off of the ground with his arms around me. It was scary at first, but then it was nice. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist as I hugged him. He looked up at me, yes, up, as I was above him at this point and asked, "Can you reach 'em?"

"What?"

"The stars! Can you reach 'em?"

"Um. No. They're light years away from us."

Kendall laughed and slowly set me down. I didn't want to let go of him, but I had clearly knocked a lot of energy out of him from behind up there for so long. I put my hands on his shoulders and rested up against his chest, still just standing there in the cool night. His arms were still around me, and I felt his fingers crawl up my back. He kissed the top of my head and whispered, "I want you to reach the stars."

I didn't respond to that, but just kept my cheek against his solar plexus and closed my eyes. He was so romantic and deep, I wasn't sure that anything I could say would do him justice.

"Well," Kendall said, a little bit louder now. "That's all I wanted to show you. Want to grab a bite somewhere?"

"Sure."

We kept our arms locked and headed back towards his car. The remarkable thing about this guy was his ability to go from hopeless romantic to giddy child in less than a second. He now acted as if he hadn't gone out of his way to show me something beautiful. It was interesting.

He turned the car around and headed back the way we came. On the ride back, we stopped off at a fast food place and had a simple dinner. We took the food outside and ate it on the curb.

"So how's Carlos?" I asked him.

"He's fine. I told ya not to worry."

"Good."

"Yeah I dunno what to do with him," Kendall spoke blankly and took a big bite out of his chicken sandwich. I looked at him and frowned.

"Why's that?" I asked. He took a few seconds to swallow and then told me, "It bugs him that I'm going out with you, I know that. I just wish he could accept it and move on. He soooo needs to find another guy."

"Awww…" I sighed. "I wish I could help."

"I said don't worry about it, and I mean it." Kendall leaned over and put a tiny kiss on my cheek. "The important thing is that I have you. Hah. You know, when I first saw you, I told myself that I was going to make you mine. I needed you. I saw that face and knew it right then."

"Ohh…really?" I asked and started to blush.

"Yep."

"You're very dedicated. And passionate."

"You could say that."

I moved closer to him on the curb and pressed my leg and arm against his. I turned my head on its side and rested it upon his strong shoulder. It was a peaceful place. What a fantastic first boyfriend. I heard him stuff up all our trash into the paper bag it came into, and he took out his pack of cigarettes and lit one up. His free hand snuck around my waist and latched onto my hip. I chuckled quietly, since his fingers tickled my skin somewhat, and he also laughed.

"I guess I should get you home, right?" he asked.

Reluctantly, and sighed but agreed. My mom would be worried. Again. So we got up from the curb and headed back towards his car once more. Before we split up to get inside, he pulled me close and kissed me on the lips. I closed my eyes and fell against him. Kissing in plain sight of the public was amazing; he wasn't afraid of anything. A final pop of our lips and he moved away. I slowly opened my eyes back up and saw him smiling so warm and sexy at me. "Let's do this again, okay?" he said. I nodded and got in his car to go home.


	7. Awkward Sauce

It was too late to bug Lucy when I got home, so I waited until the morning to text her, when she would probably be getting ready for work. As soon as I woke up, I wrote, "Date with Kendall was amazing."

Waiting for her reply, I jumped in and out of sleep. A few minutes later my phone chimed, and Lucy had sent "Good. What did you do?

"Went for a ride, and it was amazing and wow."

My phone made two sounds then, and Lucy said, "I'm happy for you," but there was another message. It was from a number I didn't know, and I realized then that I didn't even have Kendall's stored. The mystery texter just wrote "hey."

"Kendall?" I sent back.

"No, it's Carlos." As soon as I read that message, I was swallowed up by a thick wave of fear. _Carlos? _How did he even get my number? Why was he texting me? Oh, shit. At least I was able to remain calm through my written words.

"Hey, what's up?" I messaged back.

"Nm. Was wondering if you wanted to hang out today."

"Sure. Where?" I was skeptical of this, but perhaps I had misjudged him. It still bothered me how he had my phone number, though.

"What about that Snazz where your friend works?" He meant Lucy, of course.

"Okay. When?"

"Like noon."

"Sure. That's cool."

"Great. See ya then. I want to talk."

I did not like that last message. He wants to talk? Talk about _what? _Maybe he's going to beat me up for stealing his man away, or tell me that they're still together. What if Kendall is a serial liar and cheater, and I'm just a pawn in his game? I started to freak out. It would be very typical of my life, though, for the one guy who finally shows compassion and interest to be full of shit. _No._ I refused to believe any of my concoctions without evidence first. I would have to talk to Carlos before I made any assumptions.

And that's what I did. There was time to sit around and watch TV for an hour or so, but then I got dressed alright and headed down to the Snazz Cup. I arrived just a minute before 12, and Carlos was already standing around outside. He saw me and waved. "Heeeey!"

"Hi," I said, feeling incredibly wary of what conversation was soon to come. He seemed friendly and happy to me, though.

"Thanks for meeting me, dude," he said and clapped his hand onto my shoulder for a second.

"No problem. What's up?"

"Wanna sit?" Carlos pointed at a table and took a chair. I did the same.

"Sooooo hey, how did you get my number?" I asked.

"Kendall."

"Kendall has my number?" My eyes widened.

"_Yeah_. You mean he didn't?"

"I never gave it to him."

"Weird." Carlos made a funny face and smiled slightly. "Speaking of Kendall…" Oh, boy. Here it comes. My body locked up and I braced for an ugly, ugly truth that Carlos was about to reveal.

"I want to apologize for walking out on our basketball game the other day," he said quietly. "I don't usually act like that. And I don't usually act like _this_. I guess Kendall told you about our history, and it's still a fresh wound for me."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and sat back in my chair. Thank God. Kendall wasn't a liar or a weirdo, and Carlos wasn't angry. Good, good, good. But I still felt bad.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to steal your thunder."

"Baaah, you didn't!" Carlos exclaimed, the jovial expression returning to his face. "We broke up before you. It's not the same thing, don't worry about it."

"Okay, good," I said, shifting in my seat. I was so happy that this worked out well.

"He's really in love with you," the Latino suddenly blurted out. I pricked up my head and said, "Huh?"

"He's really in love with you," Carlos repeated. "He doesn't stop talking about you, says you're his boyfriend, rambles about how cute and sweet and hot you are. Says your dimples are adorable."

"My…dimples?" I raised a hand to my face and touched my cheek.

"Uh huh. He's got it bad."

"Wow." On the inside, I was screaming and running in circles like a hyper little girl. It might even be possible that Kendall was _crazier _about me than I was with him! Who would have thought?

At that moment, I heard a slightly less familiar voice call out from behind me. "HEY!" he yelled. I looked over my shoulder and saw James walking up to us. It was only the second time I had seen him, but you don't forget a face that pretty so easily. And he was a skinny mofo, and tall, too; if his face wasn't so soft, he would look kind of threatening. "How come I didn't get invited to the party?" he whined.

Carlos' face suddenly turned reddish and he looked away, laughing. "It was just me and Logan, b-but next time I'll give you the heads up."

"I'm kidding," James said. He went around Carlos and thumped him fist into his shoulder. Carlos smiled and continued to look away. "Oh, alright, haha," he stuttered and laughed. What was going on?

"Um, at any rate," I interrupted. "Maybe you could give _me _Kendall's number?"

"Sure." Carlos took out his phone, pulled up his contacts and slid it over to me. I copied it down into mine and thanked him. James flipped a chair around and plopped down on it backwards, with his arms on the back of it.

"So," he said, looking back and forth between us. "You and Kendall getting married yet?"

"Whaaa?"

"I'm _kidding_!" James squealed. "You guys just can't take a joke today."

"It was funny," Carlos said. "I got it. It was funny!" He looked at James and beamed. The tall boy grinned, but I just sat there feeling confused.

"Oh, lighten up, cupcake," James said to me. "I'm going to grab a drink. Do you guys want anything?" I shook my head, but Carlos said he wanted a soda. He offered money to James, but he refused it. Once the tall guy went inside, Carlos leaned over the table and whispered, "He's really hot, right?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so," I said.

"He recently got _really _hot."

"Are you crushing on him?" I asked. Carlos looked embarrassed suddenly. "MAYBE!" he whispered loudly.

"Haven't you been friends for a long time?"

"Yeah, we have. But I was always busy pursuing Kendall, and James goes through boyfriends real fast. This is the first time he's been single in years."

"Years? How old is he?"

"19."

"What the hell…" I said, but trailed off as the guy we were discussing walked by out. He placed a glass bottle of some sparkling soda crap in front of Carlos and sat back down at his backwards chair with a cup of coffee or whatever. He smiled real pretty at me and said, "Lucy says hi."

"Oh jeez, she's in there?" I asked with embarrassment. She was probably watching me make a fool out of myself.

"She's a nice girl, in't she?" James asked.

"Oh, yeah," Carlos agreed, nodding way too much. "She's real nice." He cracked open his soda and took a long gulp of it. "Sure I don't owe you anything?"

"It's not a big deal," James said. "You've covered me enough."

"So you guys have known Kendall a long time, right?" I asked the two of them. They both nodded.

"A loooong time," James said. "Very, very _long_, if you know what I mean."

"Ummm, no I don't." I stared at him blankly.

"Don't!" Carlos snapped at James. His face now turned bright red. "Don't say that stuff!"

"Haha, why not?"

"Just 'cause! Duuuude! Don't!" Carlos was a little frustrated but he was still laughing. I was epically confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't worry about it," said Carlos. "James is just being a jerk."

"At least I'm a sassy jerk," James rebutted with a shimmy. Carlos looked at him hungrily, but I wasn't sure if James noticed.

"The thing about Kendall is that he's a day dreamer," Carlos said. "We were sort of a dangerous couple, since I'm really impulsive and stupid, and he lives his life in a series of fantasies."

"What do you mean, series of fantasies?" I asked to clarify.

"Every day, he wakes up with a different idea of the world," Carlos continued. James sat there silently and drank his coffee, nodding in agreement every couple words. "He's a romantic daydreamer."

"I'm a little confused," I admitted. "What exactly does that mean?"

"I'm not good at explaining!" Carlos said, pretending to cry. "I'm not so smart with words and stuff. You'll figure it out."

"Yeah but just watch out," James butted in. He giggled to himself a few times, and Carlos watched him with stars in his eyes. "Once Kendall gets an idea in his head, it's almost impossible to stop him. He can be very…" James interrupted himself with a laugh. "VERY THICK!"

"Thick headed," Carlos added. "You mean thick headed."

"You know," James said, winking at me. I was so confused. Was I missing something?

"Am I missing something?" I asked. James sighed with a laugh and took my hand. "You're so innocent, honey," he said softly. "I've never known a teen boy to be so sweet and naïve."

"AM I MISSING SOMETHING?" I said much louder this time. James made a sympathetic face at me and patted my hand. His fingers were big.

Carlos leaned across the table and quietly told me that, "Kendall sort of has this legendary penis."

"Whaaaaat?" I exclaimed. My eyes grew so wide I thought they would pop right out of my head. I looked at James and said, "How do YOU know?"

"Oh, jeez," he said. "Everyone's at least _seen _it."

"Huh? How? Why?" I began to feel horrible on the inside. Had Kendall slept around a lot? Did he have secrets?

"Chill, dude," Carlos said, obviously seeing the deep horror on my face. "He's only had sex with three guys. James not included." Here, James made a sad face. "But the rumor of his giant, giant penis really went around in high school. And maybe _one _of the guys he went out with sent pictures of it around to like, everyone."

"Ohhh…" I said, feeling a little bit better. But only a little. "So, um, is it giant?"

"YES!" Carlos screamed suddenly. He sat up straight and made a serious face. "It is the ultimate cock."

I hid behind my hands after this statement. It was hard to believe that I was discussing my new boyfriend's penis size with his friends who I barely knew. How would I be able to take such a giant dick, assuming we would have sex at some point.

"Everyone wants a ride on the K-Train," James said. I shuddered.

"Oh my God, dude, chill," Carlos said once more, this time a bit sadder. "He's not a whore or anything. Don't worry about it."

I folded my arms on top of the table and put my face into them. It was difficult to decide what I should talk about; how awkward this subject was, how I was now very worried about Kendall ripping me in half, the list goes on and on. I turned my head to the side and looked at James. "How come you never slept with him?"

"He doesn't want me," James admitted sadly. "And if Kendall doesn't want you, you can never get him. He's not easily seduced."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, not like me," the tall guy added. He made a shy little face and rolled his eyes. "It's easy to impress a small dick."

Carlos suddenly shot out of his chair and leapt at James. He got real close to his face and said, quietly, "I like small dicks." James stared back at him without moving. A weird little smile grew on his face and he said, "Well, that's good." Then Carlos stood up quickly, snatched his almost empty soda bottle from the table and said, "I gotta go," really fast and then walked off.

"Yo wait!" James called out. "Carlos! What! Wait! Awww."

I was just sitting there with a still very confused look on my face. This had been a weird meeting. James turned to me, sighed with his eyes closed and said, "That boy needs to control himself a little better."

"How big is it?" I asked out of the blue, basically ignoring what James just said.

"Like six inches at the most."

"That's not very big…is it?"

"Oh, wait, you mean _Kendall_?"

"Yeeaaah. Oh." My face flushed red when I realized he was talking about himself.

"A little over nine, and thick like a Coke can."

"A...Coke can…?" I dared to ask. My butthole felt sore just at the thought.

"Maybe not a Coke can, per se, but close. Bit smaller."

"Man…"

"What?"

"That's huge. I dunno how I'm gonna…you know."

"Jeez, I _wish _I could get a dick that big inside me." I continued to blush at how open James was with these things. "I've never taken more than 8."

"But I've never taken _anything_."

"You will. Kendall is a freak. You'll do it soon enough."

"What? A freak?" My heart stopped.

"Yeah, he's a total freak."

"What do you mean? And how do you know?"

"'Cause I'm his best friend, duh! He tells me all of this stuff. He even said that you were pitching a tent while you made out with him in his car."

I whimpered to myself as I was drowning in shame. James started laughing. "Relax, please," he said. "It's not a big deal. I know everything about him, don't worry. I'm not passing judgment or anything on you."

"Um, so, what do you mean, freak?"

"He's into freaky stuff. Like bondage and public sex and things like that."

"Huh?" A sour feeling grew in my mouth, and I was really not liking where this conversation had turned.

"Honey, you look like you've just seen a ghost," James said. He got close to my face and gave me a very understanding and sweet look. "He's not a weirdo, he just like intense sex. He wouldn't hurt you or anything. Not unless you asked."

"Ohh…" I swallowed very hard. "That's um, great, I guess."

"I should've kept my mouth shut, I'm sorry."

Trying to divert from this weird subject, I suddenly said, "You know that Carlos likes you?" James' face turned pink and he sat back from me. He didn't answer. "James?" I asked. "You know that Carlos likes you, right?"

"Yeah," James said quickly. "I do."

"Do you like him?"

"Mmmm."

"What?"

"Mmmmm."

"That's not an answer."

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I do," he said, annoyed. "But don't tell him."

"Why not? We're done with high school. Can't we be a little more mature than that?"

"I don't know if I'm comfortable going out with my best friend's ex."

"Oh, that's understandable."

"Just don't say anything about it, okay?"

I made a zipper across my lips and pretended to toss the "key" over my shoulder. James giggled and touched my hand again. "You are really adorable, you know that?" he said.

"Eehhh."

"No, no, you really are. I bet you think you're unattractive."

"K-kinda."

"You aren't. You're a babe. No, really, you are. And I should know; I've boinked a billion babes. This might sound weird, but, if you want to practice with a more normal sized dick, before you sleep with Kendall and whatnot, I could, you know…"

"That's okay," I said quickly. James, please don't hit on me. "I want my first time to be with Kendall, even if it splits me in two."

"So sweet," James said with a smile. "You're really sweet." He got up and took his coffee cup with him. "Kendall's a lucky guy."


	8. Rumor has it

I watched James saunter down the sidewalk away from me as he waved over his shoulder and carried on with his day. There I sat, speechless from our incredibly awkward conversation. _Now _what? As my stomach grumbled with unsettled feelings, I heard the door to the Snazz Cup swing open and sensed somebody walking up to me.

"I got you a cookie," I heard Lucy say. Her hand shoved a black and white cookie in front of my face and I took it suspiciously. "Okay, well, it's a day old. But it's still good."

"Thanks," I said, rolling my eyes.

"So what happened out here? You were making some really weird faces, and everyone ended up walking out on you. What did you say?"

"It's not what _I _said," I whined. Lucy took the seat across from me and lit up a cigarette. She looked really tired. "James just told me a lot of stuff that I would rather have found out on my own."

"Like what?" Lucy asked.

"Ugghh…do I have to?"

"If not me, then who?"

"Good point. Well," I lowered the volume of my voice and glanced around first before speaking. "He says that Kendall has a monster penis."

"HA! What?!" My friend laughed real loud and almost choked on her own breathing. "He whaat?"

"Jeeez," I complained, trying to get her to quiet down. "He has a monster penis," I repeated even softer this time. Lucy kept laughing. She took a puff on her cigarette and said, "Score!"

"No, not score!" I protested, folding my arms. "I'm scared."

"Did he say how big exactly?" she raised her eyebrows and an evil grin spread across her thin face.

"You're such a pervert."

"Well?"

"Like 9 inches long and almost as thick as a Coke can."

Lucy's jaw suddenly dropped and her face turned quite pale. She mouthed the word, "wow" and just kept staring at me.

"But that's not the worst part," I said.

"How is that bad?"

"You don't understand…"

"Alright, alright, fair enough. So what is the worst part, then?"

"He said Kendall's a freak. Like, he's into weird stuff in bed."

"So?"

"_So _it creeps me out. I don't want to be dating a sexual deviant."

"Did Kendall say this, or did James?"

"James."

"Has James had sex with Kendall?"

"No…"

"Then just ask Kendall," Lucy said sternly. She tapped her cigarette out into an ashtray. "I don't understand how someone so smart can be so stupid sometimes. Just ask Kendall."

"You're right."

"Of course I'm right. Now, my break is over. Cheer up. Go see your buddy."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

As I walked to the bus stop, I contemplated actually calling Kendall. He didn't know I had his number, but I also didn't know he got mine. That's right. How did he get mine? No sense in beating around the bush. I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed Kendall. For a second I was afraid I had put the number in wrong, then what? It rang a few times and then I heard a familiar voice say, "Hey, you."

"Kendall?"

"Yeah. How are you?"

"Good I guess. How um, how did you get my number?"

Kendall laughed. "Lucy gave it to me. What about mine?"

"Lucy? I asked Carlos for it."

"Ahhhh alright. So what's up?"

"I wanna talk. What are you doing?"

"I'm downtown by the fountain. Come on by, baby."

"Alright. I'll head down now. See you soon, bye bye!" I hung up and smiled to myself. He called me baby! How sweet! But how would this conversation go? I swallowed hard and waited for the downtown bus. It picked me up and soon I was at that giant fountain in search of Kendall.

I rounded it about halfway until I saw where he was sitting, just like the last time, on the ledge with his guitar. His eyes were closed and he sang out a beautiful tone.

_Nobody moves me_

_I've been through this life with_

_ no place that I can call my own_

I walked up to him slowly, trying not to interrupt the song, but he noticed me anyway and stopped. "Hey," he said with a tip of his chin. I smiled shyly and apologized for messing up his song. He set down his guitar and said, "Don't worry about it." He signaled for me to sit next to him. I did, and he immediately hooked an arm around me. I put my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"I was talking to Carlos and James today," I said.

"Oh yeah? What's up with them?"

"Not much…"

"What's wrong?"

"They said some things."

Kendall put his hand on my cheek and turned my face towards his. He gazed into my eyes and tried to read me, but was obviously drawing a blank. I did my best to smile, but my stomach was unsettled with what his reaction would be. "James told me that you're…"

"Yeeaaah? What did James say?"

"He said you're a freak," I talked very quietly and looked away from my boyfriend. He sighed very loudly. "Freak like what?" he asked.

"Freak like…weird sex stuff."

"James said this, right?" Kendall clarified. He stroked my cheek gently.

"Yeah."

"Baby, baby…" he sighed once more and shook his head. "James likes to exaggerate. Take everything he says with a grain of salt, okay?"

"Okay."

"Hey, don't be so sad," Kendall said. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hoisted me up into his lap, facing him. I squealed as he did this, but once I got situated on his legs, I put my hands on his shoulders and smiled. Our foreheads pressed together, and Kendall stared at me with adoring eyes. I liked to feel his body next to mine. He was so thin, boney, lean, and precious. We were silent for a few beautiful moments. Behind us, the fountain bubbled and splashed in the sunlight. I could hear people talking all around us; just mindless chatter mixed with footsteps. I closed my eyes and we kissed ever so gently. It was liberating to do this in public, without a single care in the world. Kendall's fingers ran up and down my back.

"James is a jerk," he said finally, just in a whisper. "He's a great friend, and a lot of fun, but sometimes he runs his mouth too much."

"Alright," I answered. "They said something else, too."

"What's that?"

"About your, um, well…" my face flushed pink but I kept my eyes shut. Was it appropriate to talk about this?"

"My…?" Kendall pecked me on the lips.

"Your…" Now I opened my eyes. Kendall was looking at me with a warm smile on his face. It was hard to resist, so I brought my voice to a tiny whisper and said, "Your _penis_."

Kendall suddenly burst into laughter. He blushed and said, "Ohh gosh. Ohh my god. Those guys! Ahh, I'm sorry they brought it up."

I didn't think it was very funny. "They said it's really big. Scary big."

"Logan, you worry too much," Kendall cooed and his hands slid down my back and to my butt. He skillfully eased his fingers into the back of my pants and down my boxers. I sucked in a sharp breath of air and winced. What was he doing? Right here? He lightly touched my butt and grinned. "You really worry too much," he reiterated.

"Kendall," I said quietly. He giggled. "What?" I asked.

"You say _Kindall_."

"Huh?"

"It's _Kendall_. You say _Kindall_."

"No, I say Kendall."

"Haha, you did it again! You're saying _Kindall_." He looked happy when I said this, but I seriously couldn't hear what he was talking about. I was saying Kendall. At least it made him smile.

"Whatever you say," I said. "So do you want to do something?"

"Sure. Like what?"

"I dunno," I said with a little shrug. "Hungry?"

"Totally. I could go for something. Wanna wander?"

"Yeah." I hopped off of Kendall's lap and stood there like a fool as he packed up his instrument.

"Let's just go back to my car and drop my guitar, alright?"

"No problem." I smiled and took his free hand.

We walked around the fountain and slowly headed towards wherever he had parked his car. He held onto my hand and squeezed the fingers gently. I was walking on cloud nine with him, and I couldn't have asked for a better moment. The beautiful day, the beautiful boyfriend, the beautiful world. It was the first time in my entire life that I was actually, entirely satisfied with who I was. We strode down the sidewalk like a Hollywood couple. Kendall kept sneaking looks at me, each filled with utter adoration. It was hard to decide which I liked better; the fact that Kendall was crazy about me because I was me, or that I was able to get a guy like him to fall for me. I swelled with confidence for once.

I saw his car up ahead, parked along the sidewalk. He ran up to it and dumped his guitar off in the trunk then came back to me. He swooped in front of me and threw his arms around my waist in a big flourish. Just like he did on our last date, Kendall hugged me tight and hoisted me up into the air. I squealed and clung to his shoulders like a little kid. He spun around and we giggled and smiled together, clinging to each other so tight. Kendall's green eyes sparkled and shimmered as his face creased from his smiles. I put my hands onto the back of his head and ran my fingers through his hair, and then I leaned down and kissed him. We kissed and kissed; just small ones, but many. I was so happy!

"Logan," Kendall finally said, still all smiles. He set me down on the ground and put one more kiss on my lips. "Are you happy with me?"

"I am."

"Good. I'm glad. So where do you wanna eat, babe?"

"Doesn't matter," I said. We kept walking.

"Alright, then let's just pick a place that vibes good. How about that?" He took my hand once more as he led me down the sidewalk. I reached my opposite hand across and held onto his arm, somewhat cuddling with him as we walked. It was incredible how our relationship had bloomed so quickly, and I loved it. I had been so desperate for a guy for so long, and now here it was.

"Can I tell you something?" Kendall asked out of the blue as we kept walking.

"Yeah, of course."

"Not now. I want to tell you later."

"Ummm, okay," I laughed uneasily and looked up at him. He was staring straight ahead as our feet carried us by the fountain once more. "Tell me whenever you want."

"I will."

Lunch was had at a cozy restaurant next to a bookstore. We just got sandwiches, and they were nothing special. Oh, they weren't terrible, definitely not; but the whole thing was rather uneventful. It was around 2:30 when we finished. I didn't have to work that day, so I figured I would hang out with Kendall as long as we wanted to. He offered to give me a ride back home, and asked if he could chill at my house. I explained to him how my mother had freaked out.

"She worries about me a lot," I said. We were getting inside his car at this point.

"Like mother like son," Kendall teased. He clicked his seatbelt in and started the engine. "I wouldn't mind meeting her."

"Ohh gosh, I just don't know," was my wimpy reply. "It's such a sensitive issue for her, and right now the whole thing is very hot."

"She'll probably feel better about it once she meets me, and sees that I'm not some creep, and I am just a guy like you, huh?" Kendall had a good point, especially since my mom seemed convinced that my new boyfriend was an older man (I have no idea how she came to that conclusion). But on the other hand…

He turned up the radio and began to drive off. I recognized the song as one he had been playing on his guitar and pointed that out.

"Yep," Kendall said. "It's Amanda Ghost. She has some good acoustic stuff, and I've been learning them a lot lately."

"I like it."

"Here," when we stopped at a red light, he ejected a CD from the player and popped it into its jewel case. He handed it to me and said, "Take it. You can have it."

"Sure?" I asked as my eyes lit up. My first gift from him!

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."

I took the CD from him and looked it over. The cover had a photo manipulation of a woman which said, "Ghost Stories" on it. I flipped to the back and read off the track list. It seemed interesting. "I'll give it a listen when I get home. Thank you."

"Not a problem. I'm gonna get a better CD player in here someday soon. One that has a port for my mp3 player. So, soon I won't even need those CDs. They're all on my laptop anyway."

I smiled and held _Ghost Stories _to my chest as we drove closer to my neighborhood. As thrilled as I was to be spending time with Kendall, the impending doom of interacting with my mom was starting to choke me from the inside out. It occurred to me that it probably wasn't the best time, but I kept those thoughts within me until we pulled up in front of my house. I saw my mother's car sitting in the driveway and I almost had an aneurism.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked. He shut off the engine and clapped a hand onto my leg. "Logan?"

I was staring at the driveway still, with a look of sheer horror on my face. He shook my gently and asked what was wrong again. I grimaced and finally said, "I think we should wait on you coming in. I just…I'm afraid my mom will freak out. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay," Kendall said. "Anything you want is okay. I understand. Maybe you can just have the rest of your day to yourself."

"Thanks for understanding," I said quietly. Kendall leaned over and gave me a warm kiss on the lips. I didn't want it to end, but unfortunately it did sorta have to. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Later. I'll tell you later. Okay? Promise." He winked and bumped me on the shoulder. "Text me if you want. Whenever you want."

"Alright. I might take you up on that offer!" I giggled and opened the car door, still clinging to the CD.

"Bye babe!" Kendall said, waving. He blew a kiss at me and I pretended to catch it. He drove off and I headed into the house. I did NOT want to see my mom, but it would be rude to ignore her. I opened the door and stepped inside carefully.

"Out with your boyfriend again?" she called from the living room. I could hear the television on quietly.

"Um. Yeah."

"Being safe?"

"Yes, mom. I'm being safe. I told you not to worry."

"Mothers worry."

"I know, I know. Please. I'm fine." I heard her sigh and I went upstairs to my room. The less time spent around her, the less I'd have to worry about what she'd say next, or how she would react to what I would say. Ugh. Confusing. I closed the door to my room and ran to my stereo system (don't hate). _Ghost Stories_. I held it in my hands and looked at it carefully. This was something that once belonged to Kendall and was now mine. It had his atoms and whatnot all over him. I flipped it open and took out the disc very delicately and then popped it into the machine. It began to play, and I lay down on my bed with my eyes closed to listen properly. It was music that Kendall enjoyed. Music that Kendall enjoyed.

_Why can't I find myself an idol?  
Somebody that I can look up to  
Be big enough to hold me close in their arms  
And never let me down  
And all these stupid conversations  
That always seem to lead to nowhere  
They're going 'round and 'round and 'round in my head  
and they'll be back again.  
They're coming back again_

It was very good music. I liked it a lot. It made me think of Kendall, and how amazing he was to be with. I turned on my side and held one of my pillows close to my chest. I wonder what he wanted to tell me so badly, and why it was okay to let it wait. I hoped that it was something good, but my natural inclination assumed it was bad.


	9. Those Words

**[Head's up, there's some angstiness coming. Don't worry.]**

I jolted awake in the middle of the night because my phone started ringing. In general I keep it turned on, so if there's an emergency with someone somewhere I can know, but I hardly ever get called then. It startled me out of a dream I instantly forgot, and I sprang straight up. The phone was on my nightstand. I blinked and groaned as I reached for it. There wasn't any point in checking who it was, so I just answered it and grumbled, "hello?"

"Logan," I recognized the voice immediately as Kendall's. He didn't sound very happy. "Sorry if I woke up."

"It's okay," I said foggily. My eyes finally focused clear enough to read my alarm clock. It was a little after 4am. "What's wrong?"

"I can't sleep."

"That's it?"

"I can't sleep because my mom is upset."

"Why's that?" I was doing my best to wake up.

"She knows."

"Knows what?"

"Us…" Kendall's voice grew even quieter and sadder. I could somehow detect that he was trembling.

"What did she say?"

"I came home and she started yelling. Didn't know what about at first. But then she said that I don't know any better and that I'm ruining my life. And 'his' life. I'm going to get AIDS and stuff."

"Huh?" I had a hard time believing what he said, but of course it was true. How could she be so cruel?

"_I don't know what to do_," Kendall whined. He may have been crying. "She was lecturing me and lecturing me; said she's going to call my dad. My dad! They haven't talked to each other in over five years. _Five years_, Logan."

"Kendall…"

"My little sister was crying, but she doesn't understand what's going on. My mom doesn't want me to live in the house anymore. I don't know what to do."

"Kendall…"

"Run away with me."

"What? I can't do that."

A sense of urgency took over Kendall's voice. "Just run away with me. We can live in the car, and we'll do…stuff…I dunno. Just, Logan…"

"You're being rash," I said. "Your mother will come to terms with us, she just needs time. She'll be heated for a while, but eventually she will _have _to accept it. Don't do anything stupid."

Kendall made an uneasy sigh and sniffed. "Guess you're right." I was starting to see what James and Carlos meant when they told me Kendall's a romantic day dreamer. "But see me tomorrow," he added.

"I will. I'll call you when I wake up, okay?"

"Okay."

"Try to sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Night."

I hung up the phone and put my head back against the pillow. A few minutes ago, I was struggling to stay awake; now I couldn't get back to sleep. This was the first time I had heard Kendal upset, so I took it rather hard. What could I do to help? I tried to close my eyes, but I was startled once more by a knock on my bedroom door.

"Logan?" I heard my mom on the other side. "I know you're up. Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

I heard the door creak open and my mom stepped inside. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but when your phone rang I woke up and got worried."

"Oh…"

"It was that boy you're seeing, wasn't it?"

"Yes." This was too much mama drama for my taste. My stomach churned.

"What happened?" Mom asked. "It sounded serious."

"His mom found out about us," I said blankly. "She didn't know he was queer."

"Oh. She's upset?"

"Very. And now he's really depressed and feels trapped."

My mom sat down on the foot of my bed and touched my legs. It was a soft, comforting touch, and not at all what I was expecting. My body relaxed somewhat. "I'm not mad," mom said.

"Sure not?"

"Logan, as you start to grow up, you'll realize something. As a child and a young adult, you see the things that you don't like and try to change them. You want to make a difference in the world. People, beliefs, even small things like bands and food. But once you get older, you learn to accept the fact that there will be parts of life that just won't sit well with you. It's best to adjust and not resist." I smiled to myself as she spoke. It sounded like she was finally pulling through for me. "I'd rather you be straight, of course, but you're not. You're my gay son, and you always will be. I just have to accept that as a truth."

"Mom?" I said.

"Yes?"

"I love you." As I uttered those words, she squeezed my leg and chuckled under her breath.

"The three most powerful words a person can speak," she said. "I love you too, Logan, and I always will. So will this boy's mom. What's his name?"

"Kendall."

"Kendall," mom repeated. There was a hint of hesitance to her voice. "It's a…nice name. I would like to meet him."

"He wants to meet you, too."

"Then we can make it happen." My mom stood up from my bed and I could hear her start to walk away. "Everything will work out in the morning."

"I know. Thanks."

"Try to sleep. Good night."

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I didn't really get anymore sleep, of course, just many hours of tossing and turning. A sour taste remained in my mouth and refused to leave. I was terrified that Kendall would make very poor decisions in the next few hours, but it was at least comforting to know that my mother was on my side.

When I did finally get up all the way, I lived up to my promise and gave Kendall a call. It was around 9 now, and he answered right away. He sounded a little bit better.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Alright I guess."

"Sleep at all?"

"No," he said sternly. "I headed out. Couldn't be in the house. I went for a drive and just sat in the car."

"Gosh Kendall, that's no good."

"What am I supposed to do? This is fucked."

"It's not fucked," I insisted. Since when did he become so negative? "Listen, I talked to _my _mom after we got off the phone earlier."

"_Great_."

"No, no. She was nice. She was really nice about it, and she wants to meet you."

"Oh?" An element of surprise and delight took over Kendall's voice. "Meet me in a good, not condescending way?"

"Yeah exactly."

"That's cool. I definitely want to. Sooo can you come hang out with me?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"Umm. I guess so. What do you want to do?"

"I just want to see you. I'll pick you up."

"Er, okay." Like I had much of a choice, anyway. I got off the phone with Kendall and immediately got dressed, assuming that meant he was heading over now. There was little need for dressing to impress at this point, but I still wanted to look alright. I wore denim shorts and a red t-shirt, also made sure my hair was up and nice looking. I wondered how Kendall would look. Tired? Good? Probably tired and good.

Once I was ready to go, I sat outside on the porch and waited for his car to show up. I was there maybe two minutes when he pulled into the driveway. I sprang up from the stoop and ran over to the driver's window. Kendall had 5 o'clock shadow and his golden hair was a mess. There were bags under his eyes and his clothes were wrinkly, but he still looked good. Of course. I gave him a brief kiss on the lips and he smiled. "Get in," he said quietly, and I did. I buckled up and put my left hand onto his arm.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"Some place," he said softly. "Just some place."

I shrugged and put my faith in him. By now I wasn't worried that he would do anything dangerous. We drove out of my neighborhood and got on the main road. He headed north, just like the last time we were in the suburbs. But we went farther this time. He drove beyond the fields of electrical towers we had spent time at before. It became very much the country, and the air felt crystal clear. I put my elbow up on the ledge of the window and rested my chin there, watching the green grass zoom by us. Kendall was quiet for most of the drive. I could tell he was thinking very deeply about something, but I didn't ask. Maybe he had some sort of plan.

"Okay, just up here," were the first words he said in at least 20 minutes. He pointed at what looked like a farm. There were a few buildings, one of them was a house, and several acres of messy looking trees growing there.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Peaches."

"Ahh. Neat," I said rather unenthusiastically. I couldn't quite figure out the motive here, so I just went along. He pulled off to the side and headed down a dirt road which ultimately winded up to the building by the trees. As we got closer, I noticed that there were no people anywhere. The structures there were worn down and beat up. Graffiti covered the bricks, and many of the windows were busted out here and there.

"What is this place?" I asked hesitantly as Kendall parked the car. He undid his seatbelt and opened his door.

"I told ya. Peaches." He got out and told me to do so as well. That sour feeling had returned to my mouth, but I stepped out regardless. My feet shuffled across the ground and kicked up a slew of dust. Kendall ran around to my side and put his arm around my shoulder. He steered me towards the old orchard, which was in fact still full of trees, which _were _in fact still full of peaches!

"They just grow here?" I asked.

"Yep." Kendall yanked me over to the trees. He reached up, picked a big, fat fruit and handed it to me. It was just on the verge of being ripe, so I thought it would be a waste to try and eat it. He continued this process silently as I took peach after peach, until I had to pull up the bottom of my shirt and hold them that way. I had about 10 of them now. Kendall looked at our harvest and grinned. "Awesome, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm kinda confused," I said.

He practically ignored my comment and ran back to the car, motioning me to follow. I trudged behind. He opened up the back door and told me to lay them on the floor. "They'll be safe there," he said.

I placed them down and then looked at Kendall suspiciously. "So," I began. "You have a rough night, and then whisk me off to find…peaches."

"Yes!" Kendall beamed in the midday sun.

"Have you gone completely insane?"

"Nope. Come walk with me." He locked up the car and headed off towards the buildings now. I tagged along behind and snatched his hand. He peered over at me and smiled, then continued on. We rounded the building very slowly and Kendall squeezed my hand. "This is what my parents used to do."

"Peaches?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"…here?"

"Yup." He looked distracted as we talked. "This is where I grew up."

"Oh," I said quietly. How poignant. "So what happened?"

"They did this for a long time. It's how they met. My grandfather built this house." He pointed at the exterior wall, which I'm sure was once a beautiful fortress to raise a family in. Now, it was run down and absolutely sad. Even a bit creepy. "But my dad was into investments and shit, and it happened to really take off. Some crap went down and the relationship turned horrible. They divorced. Split this property up, but they both left it."

"It's still theirs?"

"Yeah. Just sits here."

"So weird," I said. We came around to the other side, where a fairly large tree had been hiding. Kendall headed toward it slowly.

"They couldn't agree on a plan," he said. "So sometimes I still come out here, just to get away." He smiled weakly and put his hand onto the tree. His fingers traced something.

"What's that?" I asked. He pointed at the bark silently and I stepped closer. Squinting, I saw a series of Xs carved into it. They had been there for a while, but obviously not made at the same time. Kendall's face grew quite solemn as he ran his fingertips through the carvings. This was big. This was very, very big to him. I briefly wondered if it was appropriate to question it further, but of course it was. There was no need to hide anything from him.

"So what is this?" I asked.

"I did it," he answered quietly. "I did it when I was sad."

"Oh…" I then noticed that the higher the carvings got, the fresher they looked.

"Mom and dad fought a lot. _A lot_. Always screaming. She was always screaming at him. Sometimes it got violent."

"Kendall…"

"It's alright," he said with a sudden change of tone. He smiled and looked at me. "It's all in the past now."

I realized what was going on just then. After his parents divorced, his mother must have calmed down a lot. He probably put everything behind him, but then the argument he had with her last night flared up these old emotions. That's why he came out here.

Looking at the tree, there must have been thirty or so of those little Xs. The more I stared, the more I saw. I imagined a young Kendall running out there with a knife or something in his hand, sobbing as his parents screamed from within. It hurt my heart. He was such an amazing, positive, inspirational guy.

"How could fate be so cruel?" I asked him.

"It's not," he said. "It's just not. I figure if I've been through all this shit and I come out alright, that's a big enough success. Right?"

"Right," I agreed and smiled.

I hadn't noticed until then, but Kendall had something in his hand. He pushed it into the tree and made a final, tallest carving. The pocketknife or whatever he had went into his pocket, and he slipped both arms around my waist. I put my hands up onto his shoulders and pressed my head to his chest. His breathing was steady. Calm. Compassionate.

"When your mom was yelling last night," I began quietly. "Did you feel like you were your dad?" Kendall remained silent, which answered the question for me. "I didn't mean to hit the nail on the head," I said.

"No worries," Kendall whispered. He held me tight and we just stood there. Out of nowhere, that song I was listening to yesterday came rolling in my head. I started to hum it without even realizing so. Kendall chuckled softly. "You like it?" he asked.

"Yeah. It's a good album."

"Remember I wanted to tell you something?" He took one hand and turned my cheek to look up at him. His eyes were full of adoration and they sparkled bright. He ran his fingers along the top of my head.

"I do," I said. "Are you ready to tell me?"

"Yeah." He smiled and kept staring at me for a moment. Beams of sunlight flashed through the leaves on that old tree and started to tickle across his hair. His green eyes flashed and shone brightly. The hiss of summer crickets and cicadas surrounded us.

_Why can't I find myself an idol…_

I inhaled a sharp breath, and the lyrics of the song still buzzed around my head, blending with the bugs singing. I caught a quick glimpse of the bark, and saw that its fresh wound was a small heart. Kendall's eyes quivered and looked as if they would tear up soon. He breathed softly, and three tiny, powerful words rolled out; "I love you."


	10. Mum's the Word

I never asked for much when it came to relationships; if someone could just want me enough to call me their boyfriend, that would have been enough. I didn't expect them to completely sweep me off of my feet.

Kendall embraced me tight after declaring his love and pressed his face against my neck. My hands continued to hold onto his shoulders as I stared past him and up into the sky. I didn't know what to say. Honestly, I hadn't known him long enough to really have strong feelings. I don't understand what love is. I've never felt it in its true form. But I think Kendall recognized that, since he hummed happily and held my body in a tender fashion. A row of tiny kisses was placed on my neck.

"It's okay?" Kendall whispered.

"Yeah," I said. "Definitely."

"Good." One final kiss and he let go of me. "Let's head back." Kendall took my hand and briskly walked away from the tree, down the dirt path and towards his car. My heart was full of warmth, and it fluttered with every step. I had never been so delighted in my entire life.

Our feet carried us across the dirt, through the hum of the delicate nature around us. The old house cast a big shadow over the ground. I wondered what Kendall's childhood was like. It couldn't have been all bad.

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

We got back to the car and he unlocked the doors. Once we were both sitting inside, I continued. "Who were your other boyfriends?"

"What's that?"

"You've had two boyfriends other than Carlos. Who were they?"

"James told you this, too?"

"Carlos, actually." I put my seatbelt on and sat back. Kendall started the engine and began to head out. His old house began to disappear as we went towards the paved road.

"They weren't boyfriends," Kendall said quietly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Did Carlos say I dated three guys, or I had_ sex_ with three guys?"

"Oh, I don't remember."

"I've only dated Carlos. And you."

"Ah…" I bit my lower lip and looked out of the window. Fields of corn zoomed by.

"But I'm your first, right?" Kendall asked.

"Yes. I was kissed once before, but that was it."

"Boy or girl?"

"A girl, actually." When I said this, Kendall giggled softly. "What?"

"Nothing. Did you know you were gay, then?"

"Kind of."

Since Kendall had divulged a significant part of his history to me, I figured it would only be fair if I did, too. I went on to tell him about my first weird crush. It was back in high school, during my freshman year. Basically, Lucy was my only friend. I spent most of my time trying to get through my classes, and only daydreamed sometimes about relationships and whatnot.

"I didn't actively consider myself gay," I said. "But I really wasn't into girls. They didn't do anything for me. When I told this to Lucy, she suggested I try harder."

"I thought she was cool with you being gay?" Kendall asked.

"She was. Well, she is. Yeah. But she never assumes. Anyway, we were trying real hard to have me like girls, and somehow this one chick ended up telling Lucy that she liked me. We started hanging out together, and one day she suddenly leaned over and kissed me. It was awkward."

"So that was it?" Kendall asked, smiling as he watched the road. "Your first kiss?"

"Yeah. After that, I didn't have another until you."

"You've never actually gone out with a guy, then, have you?"

"I haven't gone out with any girls, either."

"Alright. I hope it doesn't bug you too much that I'm more experienced than you."

"Not at all."

"Good. Because I don't want you going anywhere."

We were closer to town now, and we stopped at a traffic light. Kendall quickly leaned over and kissed me on the lips. "I really care about you, Logan," he whispered.

"I-I do too," I replied coyly. Kendall touched me on the cheek for a second before he went back to the wheel. The light changed and he drove off.

"Your mom gonna be home now?" Kendall asked.

"Should be, yeah."

So we went back to my house. When we were close enough, I could see my mom's car parked in the driveway. Kendall pulled up along the curb and switched off the ignition.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"I'm always nervous. All the time. About everything," I whined.

"Why is that?"

"I dunno. Just how I am."

"I want you to learn how to relax," Kendall said calmly. He touched my shoulder. "But let's start with getting the peaches out."

We both carried a couple fruits in our arms as we went into the house. Even knowing that my mom was moderately okay with my lifestyle and my boyfriend, I was still freaking out on the inside. What if, after meeting Kendall, she suddenly decided that she _wasn't _okay with it? Then again, nobody could dislike him once they met. I swallowed my courage and stepped inside.

"Mom?" I called out.

"_What's your last name?_" Kendall whispered to me. We placed the peaches down on the coffee table in the living room.

"Mitchell," I told him.

My mom came down the stairs, making a face as if to speak, but suddenly stopped when she saw me standing there with Kendall. "Oh," she said.

"Mrs. Mitchell?" Kendall ran up to my mom and extended his hand. "I'm Kendall. Kendall Knight."

"Nice to meet you," mom said blankly. The reality of it all seemed to be setting in quickly. "I guess you're the…"

"Boyfriend, yep." Kendall grinned with pride.

My mom came down the rest of the stairs and teetered towards the sofa. "Well," she said with a long exhale of air. "How about we take a seat and get to know each other?"

"Sounds great," said Kendall. He took my sleeve and dragged me off to the sofa next to my mom. I was dumbstruck by all of this, and barely had a word to speak. All I could do was hope that it works out.

"Logan tells me you're having issues with your mother right now," my mom said, sounding a bit more put together now.

"Well, yeah," Kendall began. He put his elbows on his knees and gripped his hands together. "She's not so thrilled about us."

"I'm sorry," said my mom. She looked over at Kendall and made a sympathetic face. "I think you're good together."

"Gonna be honest with you, Mrs. Mitchell," my boyfriend said, the suspense almost giving me an aneurism. "I'm in love with your son."

My mom sucked in a sharp breath of air, as did I, once Kendall let these words roll out of his mouth. It occurred to me just then how much I am like my mother. Our bodies froze up at once, but Kendall remained mellow and content with himself. He looked over at me and smiled. "What's wrong?"

"You, I, why did, huh, I," words couldn't come out. I stared straight ahead and grimaced. But my mom broke the ice. She reached a long, thin hand out to Kendall and patted him on the leg. "You've made him very happy," she said.

"Have I? He's made me very happy, too."

"I haven't seen him smile this much since he was a little boy."

"Really?" Kendall asked.

"Been starting to worry about him," my mom went on. I couldn't look at her, but it sounded like she was growing in nostalgia. "He never got along well in school."

"Mom," I finally said.

"Hmm?"

"I'm right here."

"Honey, I know. Relax."

My face heated up with embarrassment. Kendall touched my leg and smiled at me.

"So, um, Kendall," my mom continued. "Maybe you can have your mother give me a call?"

"Oh?"

"It might ease her concerns if she hears from me, don't you think?"

"That's a really good idea, Mrs. Mitchell. Or how about you just call her? Maybe you can talk to her before I go home."

"Are you afraid to go back?" My mom asked.

"Yeah," Kendall said solemnly. "I haven't been home since like, 4 am this morning."

"Is it that bad?"

"I think so."

"Alright, well then I'll give her a call. Does that help?" My mom slid a piece of paper and a pencil over to Kendall and pointed at it. "Just here."

"That's really nice of you, Mrs. Mitchell. I appreciate that."

"No problem," my mom said with a smile. Kendall jotted down a number on the memo pad and handed it to her, which she took and went into the kitchen with. I stood up and grabbed Kendall's hand. "Let's go upstairs. I don't want to feel like we're eavesdropping," I said.

"Sure, that's fine," Kendall said. We went up to my bedroom together. I closed the door behind us and opened the curtains, since there was enough natural light to spare any electricity. "I like your room," my boyfriend commented. He walked around the perimeter with his hands in his pockets, examining what little amount of stuff I have on display. It's mostly books, electronics and a few souvenirs from my early life. I stood in the middle of the floor awkwardly as he investigated my things.

"What's this?" he asked, standing before a cork board nailed to the wall. I walked up behind him and following his pointer finger.

"Oh," I said. "Hair from my old dog."

"Interesting," Kendall hummed.

"They clipped it off of her before she was cremated."

"I'm sorry."

"It's cool. I was really little when it happened."

Kendall turned from the board and faced me. His eyes were all wiggly. He slowly wound his arms around my waist and just started kissing me out of nowhere. "Umm, umm, Kendall…" I tried to blurt out between kisses. He just hummed cutely and kept smooching with his eyes closed. "My mom…my mom is home, Kendall."

"Is she in the room?"

"…no."

"Well, then what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?" Kendall started to take small steps forward, making me walk backwards. He kept kissing me, and it was useless to fight it. I also put my arms around him and kissed him back. My legs hit the edge of my bed, and Kendall then began to push me onto my back, laying down.

"Ummm," I said. "Ken…dall…?"

"What's wrong?"

"I dunno," I peeped hesitantly. He put his hands down on either side of my head, pinning me to the bed. I slid back just enough that he could get his knees on the mattress, too. He crawled on top and sat gently over my waist. My chest was rising and falling quickly as my nerves slowly fell apart. Kendall's lips made a hot contact on my neck. He began to suck and lick at my skin, sending shivers up my spine.

"K-Kendall," I groaned.

"What's wrong?" Kendall whispered once more.

"Moving a little too fast…"

He released his lips from my neck and looked directly at me. I stared up at the strong, broad body which towered over me like I was his prey.

"Should I slow down?" he asked.

I continued to look up at him, speechless, with my lips parted as I considered the options. His crotch sat atop mine, and I could feel the monster within trying to escape. Kendall's thin lips curled into a tiny, cute smile as he kept his eyes fixed on mine. "Well?"

"I want to have sex with you," I said quietly. "But not now, and not today."

"That's cool," Kendall said. "I hope you didn't think I was going to fuck you right now."

"Uhh…guilty as charged," I giggled. Kendall laughed and put a kiss on my lips.

"You're too adorable, you know that?" he said. I rolled my eyes. "No, seriously."

Kendall moved off of me and lay down on his side, rolling me over with him so that we faced each other. He wiggled close to me to make our foreheads touch. I closed my eyes and smiled. Kendall's hand touched my arm lightly and stroked my bicep. His fingers curled around my skin and traced tiny circles, then his lips met mine once more for another kiss.

"I really want to see you naked, though," he whispered between lip smacks. The feeling was mutual, but I was too embarrassed to tell him for some reason. "I bet your body looks amazing," Kendall added.

"I guess…"

"I bet."

Kendall moved his kisses from my lips to my cheek, along my jaw and to my ear. I think I felt his teeth nibble at my earlobe once or twice, and then he nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck and sighed.

"What are you going to do in school?" he randomly asked.

"Like, study?"

"No. How are you going to get by?"

"I'll do fine. I don't understand."

"You'll move away?"

"No, I'm only applying to local campuses."

"Good."

"I don't understand," I said again. "Why are you talking about this?"

"I feel like school won't be a happy thing for you," Kendall whispered.

"Why not?"

"You had a hard time in high school, you hate your job…how are you going to get by?"

"I will," I said hesitantly. Kendall hummed into my ear before placing another kiss and then returned his head to the pillow. I opened my eyes again and saw him looking back at me with his gorgeous green eyes. He put his fingers on my cheek and sighed dreamily.

"What am I gonna do with you," he said. I shrugged.

"I could take a nap," was my suggestion.

"Yeah me too. You want to?"

"Uh huh."

"Then come here." Kendall rolled onto his back and motion for me to lay on him. I lifted up my head and placed it on the center of his chest. It was bony, but also quite comfortable. I also put my hand there. Kendall locked his arms around my waist and held me like that, breathing slowly and just enjoying the company.

"Glad your mom is cool," he said.

"Me too. I didn't expect it to go over so well."

"I hope she got through to mine, at least somewhat."

"Yeah." My head rose up as Kendall yawned, and as his chest sank once more, I could really feel sleep coming over me.


	11. No Sleeping In His Bed!

We didn't sleep very long and I startled awake suddenly. Somehow, we had completely readjusted ourselves so that Kendall was now on his stomach, falling off of the bed, and I was on my side and clinging to him. My head felt fuzzy and I shook my boyfriend awake.

"Kendall, Kendall," I said. He turned his head to face me and stared groggily.

"Zuhhh?" he mumbled.

"Wake up."

"Whyyyyy."

"Because we've been napping long enough. My mom's going to wonder."

"Mmmhhh…" Kendall struggled to flip over and sit up. He pushed his back to the wall and brought his knees up to his chest. "I could get used to seeing you first thing."

"Me, too," I admitted shyly. He chuckled to himself and didn't even bother to cover up a giant yawn. In that instant, a dream flashed back at me. Something about Carlos and James. _Carlos and James_!

"Oh!" I shouted.

"What?"

"Carlos and James!"

"What about 'em?" Kendall shot a quizzical look at me. His hair was a mess and it was adorable.

"I wanted to talk to you about them."

"Oh yeah?"

I cuddled up to Kendall's arm and held onto him. "You know that they like each other?"

"Whaaaat?" Kendall started laughing. His forehead scrunched up in a confused fashion, and I think his face even turned slightly pink. "Carlos and James?"

"That's what they said. They each told me. But Carlos is too shy, and James is afraid to tread on your territory."

"Oh man, that's hilarious," Kendall chortled, but then his face turned very serious and he asked, "Who would be the catcher?"

Ignoring the question, since I wouldn't know the answer anyway, I continued, "We should set them up. You said Carlos needs a new guy to distract him from your breakup, right?"

"True, true. I like that idea, but it is sort of weird."

"How come?" I asked.

"Carlos and James. My ex and one of my best friends. It seems…kind of sexy. The two of them. Carlos is so sweet, and James is…"

"Hot," I interrupted.

"Well yeah, kind of."

"Why didn't you ever date him, or at least have sex?" I asked quietly. Kendall sighed and shifted on the bed slightly. He patted my head.

"Just not my type," he said with a smile. "I couldn't date a guy taller than me. And even though he's hot, he isn't _cute_. I like my guys to be cute."

"Ohh…" I mumbled, blushing. He winked at me.

Then a knock on my door. "Boys?" it was my mom.

"Yeah, come in," I said. She creaked open the door and stepped inside. She grimaced slightly when she saw us sitting on the bed together.

"I talked to your mom, Kendall."

"How was it?" Kendall asked nervously.

"Oh, sweety, it wasn't…it wasn't so good."

I looked at Kendall, who looked back at me wearily. We both sighed and put our attention back to my mother. "Why?" I asked. She smiled weakly.

"She's very unhappy. Not just because you're gay, but mostly since you never told her."

"Oh…" Kendall said. He looked down at his hands.

"And she doesn't want to see you for a while," mom added.

"What?!" Both Kendall and I yelled at the same time. My mouth fell open. "Why?"

My mom took a seat at the far edge of the bed and folded her hands in her lap. She looked at us sympathetically. "She's _very _angry, and would rather not have you around until she knows how to deal with it."  
"Ugghh," Kendall groaned. "I had a feeling. What now?"

"Well, I talked to your father, Logan," my mom continued. "And we've agreed that Kendall can stay here until she lets him come home."

"Really?" I said, having a hard time believing what I heard. My face lit up and I looked at Kendall all smiles. His eyes creased with happiness. "Thank you, Mrs. Mitchell," he said.

"You love my boy, I love my boy," said mom. She stood up from the bed and started for the door once more. "We have something big in common. Just…" My mom turned over her shoulder and pointed at Kendall, making a stern face. "No sleeping in his bed!"

She shut the door and I looked to Kendall with a shrug. "Better than nothing, right?"

"Definitely. But…what the fuck, my mom," Kendall groaned. I put my arms around him and patted his back.

"We'll sort it out," I assured him. "So why don't we focus on something else. Like getting James and Carlos together?"

"Alright," Kendall answered with a tiny smile. "Let's try to make this happen. You know what, Logan?"

"Hmm?"

"You've changed a lot since I first met you."

"Ohhhh?"

"Think about it; you used to be this shy, nervous little guy who was terrified to break out of his comfort zone."

"I still am shy and nervous," I insisted.

"Yeah, but you've opened up a lot. I'm proud of you, baby." He kissed me twice on the lips. "Really proud of you."

* * *

"He's staying with me."

"OMG no way."

"Yeah, his mom won't let him come home."

"What? That's horrible."

I had to work just a few hours that evening, and on my return trip I was texting Lucy. Coming home to Kendall was going to feel very weird. It was like we took a whole lot of steps within one day. My sweaty hands tapped out another message to my friend; "She's mad at him for staying in the closet so long."

"Can you blame him?" Lucy sent back.

"No, definitely not. You remember how hard it was with my parents."

"Can't forget."

The bus let off at my stop and I hopped down the steps. As I headed down my street, I saw Kendall standing out on my porch, smoking a cigarette. I guess mom was okay with that, too.

"Hey!" Kendall called out. I waved at him and picked up my pace.

"Hiii," I replied.

"How was work?"

"Sucked as usual."

"Why's that?"

I stepped up onto the porch and sat down on one of the wooden chairs we have out there. "Because I hate it," I said.

"It's only temporary," Kendall said. He pulled another chair beside me and plopped down onto it. "Only for a little while."

"Yeah I know, that's what I keep telling myself," I said, perking up my head and giving Kendall a tiny smile.

"So I thought of something."

"Yeah?"

"Carlos and James," Kendall said with a look of dignity of his face. "The four of us go somewhere, right? Of course you and me are hugging and kissing a lot, being romantic. And then we leave them alone, tell 'em we'll be back. That way, they _have _to hang around with each other. If they're really both crushing, something will happen."

"I like it," I said. "But where are we gonna go, where we'll disappear momentarily?"

"Dunno. Thought maybe you could figure that out," Kendall said with a laugh.

For some reason, my mom actually decided to make dinner that night. Dad was still away on business, as he spends most of his time these days, so it was just food for three. It went well. My mom was obviously very fond on Kendall, thank God. If you ask me, there's no reason not to, but still. He and I cleaned up the table when done and headed off to bed. My mother had given Kendall an air mattress to borrow, which we inflated and threw down onto the middle of my room's floor. Once washed up and whatnot, I gave Kendall a set of sheets and got into my own bed. I clicked off the lamp on my nightstand and got comfortable under the covers.

"Your mom is pretty awesome," Kendall said from the floor.

"Yeah, I guess she is."

"I hope I never have to go back home."

"Why's that?"

"So I can stay with you forever."

I didn't answer that statement. I couldn't. What words would be appropriate? It was so sweet, so amazing, caring and thoughtful. I could never express myself in a suitable way to compete with him.

Kendall's mattress made a few crackles, and then my bed wobbled. I felt _somebody _crawl over my mattress and slip under my sheets. He pressed up against my back and hugged me.

"Mom said no sleeping in my bed," I said quietly.

"She doesn't really expect me not to, does she?"

"She might."

"But that's silly. Don't leave two people in love within the same room and not expect that."

"Yeah well, that's my mom," I said with a sigh.

One of Kendall's hands touched my chest lightly. He held me close and pressed his lips to my neck. Shivers went up my spine as he kissed me, lightly, up to my ear and back down to my shoulder. Tiny, breathy moans fell out of my mouth.

"You like that?" Kendall whispered.

"Uh huh."

I pushed my shoulder to the bed, so that I was lying on my back. Kendall put his nose against my cheek, breathing gently onto my collar bone, and I reached out and placed my hands on his shoulders. I tugged at him softly. Taking the hint, Kendall slipped a leg around my waist and climbed up on top of me. His body is so much bigger than mine, even though we're both boys with a lot of muscle. His torso is longer and shoulders are wider. He leaned down now and kissed me on the lips. My fingers ran along his neck and up to his face, where I held his cheeks as our tongues fought inside. The kiss held for a while. Our bodies began to heat up at an exponential rate as we made out. I could feel Kendall's massive erection bursting from his boxers, desperate to break free and touch me. I felt self-conscious, since my member wasn't at all comparable, and he was _maybe _feeling it against him.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked as he broke off our hot make out session. He must have sense my discomfort.

"Nothing," I said apprehensively.

"Nu uh. It's something. Logan, what's wrong?" He touched the top of my head delicately.

"Feeling a little size challenged," I admitted quietly. My face grew warmer.

"What do you mean?"

"You're so…big. And I'm so…small."

"You aren't small, I'm just fairly tall. And I like you being short. You're adorable." He kissed me once, briefly, entirely missing the point.

"You're entirely missing the point," I said, trying not to sound like an asshole. Kendall sniffed.

"I am?" He asked.

"I don't mean my body, I mean my…"

"Oh. You mean your dick?"

"Uh huh."

"Awww, Logan. Don't feel bad about that. Aw." Kendall squeezed me tighter and once and made sad noises to himself. "I would never judge you like that. You're just being silly."

"I dunno," I whined. "'Cause I can feel yours against me, and it _is _huge."

"Yeah and I can feel _yours _against _me_."

"You can?"

"Yeah, duh." Kendall chuckled to himself, probably making a cute face but in the darkness of the room I certainly couldn't tell. One of his hands let go of me and began to trace a path from my chest down to my waist. I inhaled sharply as his fingers ran across my body. I tensed up. He slid over my boxers and lightly touched my penis. I let out a cry when he made contact, even though a layer of fabric divided us. He cupped his palm around it and gently applied pressure in a somewhat-circular motion.

"I-I'm not ready," I whispered desperately.

"It's okay," Kendall said. He moved his hand away immediately and replaced it on my side.

"It just feels strange," I told him.

"How come?"

"I'm scared."

"Don't have to be."

"Yeah, but I am." I hugged Kendall tightly now. "I'm scared of you seeing me naked."

"What? Why?" Kendall suddenly sounded shocked. His grip around me got even tighter. I stayed silent for a moment, trying to keep my composure.

"Nobody's seen me naked," I finally said.

"Well then I'm looking forward the being the first. I can't wait to see it. Really, I can't."

I made an uncomfortable noise, and Kendall got off of me. He lay on his side once more and pulled my back to his chest, slipping an arm around my waist and holding me like that. He was so warm.

"But I'll be happy to wait as long as you'd like," he added.

"Thanks," I whispered.

He put a few more kisses on my cheek before whispering, "You know I love you," into my ear. Heart pounding, I touched his hand, turned my head towards him and answered, "I love you, too."


	12. Good with the Bad

Hands around my waist. The back of my head against his chest. That's how I woke up in the morning, and it was beautiful. I couldn't have asked for a better way to start the day off.

"Morning," I whispered to Kendall as I came to.

"Morning, Logan," he mumbled, stirring awake. He squeezed his arms around me and breathed out heavily. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Get up before my mom comes in or something."

"Right, right," Kendall said. He gently rolled me off of his chest and sat up. A few ribbons of early morning sunlight were slipping through my curtains and touched Kendall on the head, lighting up his hair. He looked over at me and his eyes glinted with their amazing green. "You talk in your sleep, you know that?"

"I do?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's totally cute." My boyfriend got out of bed, stood up and stretched. His long, thin body looked like a cat reaching towards the ceiling.

"As long as it's not annoying. Or waking you up." I peeled down the bed clothes and propped my head up on my hand. "So you have any ideas about our big plan for Carlos and James?"

Kendall walked over to my dresser and daintily picked up one of my combs. He ran it through his messy hair and smoothed it out a bit. "Maybe just dinner? We can go for dinner?"

"Isn't that a little too fancy?"

"Don't have to be. Or lunch, if that's better. Are you working today?" He slipped a fresh t-shirt on over his chest and got back into the same shorts as yesterday.

"Nope," I said. "So let's just do lunch."

Kendall called up both of his friends and managed to throw together plans for lunch downtown, leaving us two hours to hang out at home. After we got dressed and washed up, had a little something to eat, we went out onto the porch. Kendall brought his guitar out there with him and sat down. He lit up a cigarette. I took a seat out on the wooden chair next to Kendall and watched him smoke. He was even scruffier today, and he sat with his elbows on knees. Streams of smoke billowed out of his shapely nose and disappeared into the calm air. He looked over at me and winked once. "Staying here with you is great," he said.

"Yeah," I agreed.

Kendall got to the end of the cigarette and put it out on the floor. He picked up his guitar and began to pluck a few notes. Then he started to play fast chords. "Have you heard this one?" he asked before he began to play.

_What a beautiful face _

_I have found in this place_

_That is circling all 'round the sun_

I shook my head. "Haven't heard," I said. Kendall kept playing and I remained his one man audience. It was a great song, and of course his vocals made it impossible to stop listening to. As the song ended, he looked at me and smiled. "You like it?"

"Yes," I said. "It's fantastic."

"You're adorable."

* * *

As Kendall drove downtown, I called Lucy and asked for backup if necessary. "We're going to leave them alone, and then maybe they'll be honest about liking each other."

"Think it'll work out?" Lucy asked.

"I have no idea. Can you come with? Maybe hang around?"

"I gotta?"

"No, but it would be cool."

"I can't hang around like that. I have things to do. But when in doubt, you can give me a call for pointers, okay?"

"I appreciate it. Thanks."

"Not a problem, Logie-Bear."

I hung up the phone and sat back in my chair. Kendall turned the radio up and kept driving. We were passing the fountain that Kendall liked to play at. It was full of people, even for midday. But everyone looked happy. Folks were walking around, holding hands, laughing, smiling, playing with their children.

"What a great day," I remarked quietly.

"Yeah of course it is," Kendall said. He pulled into a parallel space along the street and switched off the car. "Any day when I'm out with you is a great one."

"Kendall…" I sighed all shy and whatnot and then stepped out of the car. Kendall ran out and dashed to the meter, stuffed it with coins and then snatched up my hand.

"Over here, I think, right?" he said, steering my down the sidewalk. I shrugged. Having never been to the restaurant, Green Bamboo, I didn't know how to get there.

"Make sure you really touch me a lot, and act romantic and cute," Kendall advised. "If they get jealous and turned on, it'll be easier for them to open up to each other."

The sun was high overhead as we walked down the crowded sidewalk. The street was lined with tall buildings, mostly offices but some were apartments. The bases of the buildings were packed with restaurants and shops. This time of year, half of the sidewalk is covered with outside dining, mostly roped off for convenience. Almost every table was filled with chatting patrons. It was nice to see people enjoying themselves, and even nicer to be having such a great experience myself. Kendall's fingers entwined with mine and all I could do was smile. He looked over at me with a shared facial expression. Why couldn't we go walking like this forever?

"Hey! Heeeeeeeey!" I heard a voice call out from ahead. Underneath a green awning, I saw James flailing his arms about in the air. Kendall waved up high, and then we were side swiped by Carlos. "Excuuuuuuuuuuuse me!" he shouted as he brushed past me. Kendall and I picked up the pace and met the other two at the front of Green Bamboo.

"So what the fuck?" James asked.

"What the what the fuck?" Kendall quipped. James rolled his eyes.

"How about we just get a table?" I suggested, trying to keep things from being awkward.

Everyone nodded and we walked inside. It was a cute little restaurant. Well, it wasn't exactly little. There were enough people that it was _almost _hard to hear. Shoji screens lined the walkway up to where the host station. Kendall asked to get a table for four, and we were promptly led to a booth in the back. Naturally, I sat next to my boyfriend, which left Carlos and James smushed in together. I really wanted sparks to fly today, as did Kendall.

"So how's life at the love shack?" James asked snottily from behind his menu.

"Great," Kendall answered.

"Uh, love shack?" I asked timidly. Kendall laughed and shook his head. "Your house," he clarified. I made a sick face and looked down at my menu.

"Twenty five!" Carlos suddenly blurted out. We all looked at him. He grinned real wide and started to wiggle like a child. "I'm getting the twenty five."

"Looks good," I said.

"Yeah, looks real good," James said. I made this weird face at Carlos, who naturally ignored it. A little bit of pink tongue slipped out from between James's lips, and Kendall tapped my thigh like crazy from under the table. It was a "oh my God our plan is totally working!" sort of motion. I did my best to suppress a giddy smile.

The waitress came by with water, and she asked if we were ready. "I think so, right?" Kendall asked everyone. We nodded and placed our orders. I collected up our menus, and as Kendall handed his to me, he smacked the edge of it into his glass of water and spilled it on James. He shrieked and scooted back as best as he could, but the water still managed to get on him. The waitress apologized, even though it wasn't her fault, threw down a napkin and dashed off to get a replacement glass.

"Kendall!" James barked. "You gotta be more careful!"

"Sorry," Kendall sneered. He looked at Carlos but continued to address James. "Too bad you're wearing white today."

"Oh my God, I don't believe this," James continued to complain. After sopping up the water on the table, his napkin was too soaked to clean up his shirt. Carlos picked up his and said, "I can get it." James's face turned bright red but he didn't protest as Carlos dabbed his napkin on his chest.

_Yesssss_, I thought to myself, and I knew that Kendall shared the feeling. Carlos peeked up at James and smiled sheepishly, also blushing. "You know," he said. "Just as friends and stuff. Friends cleaning up other friends."

"Well yeah, of course," James added very quickly.

Here, Kendall put his mouth up to my ear and whispered, "This is perfect," just before kissing my lobe and causing me to giggle. "Keep looking cute." I didn't fight back the giggles and just let them pour out. Kendall kept kissing and nibble at my cheek, slowly moving down to my neck. I bat my eyes and nuzzled in his direction. When I looked over at James and Carlos, I saw them both staring at us straight on.

"What?" I asked softly.

"_Nothing_," they both insisted simultaneously. They looked at each other and both said, "That wasn't on purpose." Now they became extremely embarrassed and folded their arms. They hesitated for a moment, and somehow both managed to say, "neither was that" at the same time as well.

"You guys are really on the same wave length," said Kendall. Carlos and James looked away from each other sharply.

The waitress returned now with all of our food. It was steaming hot and all looked delicious! But nothing really eventful happened while we ate. Sure, Carlos told some stupid anecdote about his family, and James rambled about his new stylist, but other than that it was just pleasant banter between friends. Since I had done way more listening than talking, I finished first. The waitress cleared my plate and I wrapped my arms around Kendall. I held my phone beneath the table and sent Lucy a quick text. "They really want each other! But still too shy to open up. Need an ice breaker or something."

Almost instantly she wrote back, "Just do it. Throw it out there."

Now _my _shyness was getting the best of me. I held my phone out to Kendall and pointed to the conversation with Lucy. He read it, grinned and nodded.

"You know, I don't get what people have against processed cheese," Carlos said to James.

"Well, first off, it's terrible for you," James said.

"But it tastes sooo good!"

"Not gonna argue with that," James agreed with a tiny smile. It was interesting to watch them talk, because they were obviously good friends and had been so for a while. It seemed almost silly that they wouldn't be bold enough to mention their obvious crush. Then again, Carlos had only been single for a month or so. I could understand where James was coming from.

Right then, Kendall decided to take Lucy's advice. He sat up straight and asked, "This is basically a double date, right?"

The cheese conversation immediately went on hold as both Carlos and James froze completely. I kept hugging Kendall and smiled.

"But isn't it?" my boyfriend continued. "Me and Logan, great couple. You and Carlos, great couple! Right?"

James slowly turned his head towards the Latino and kind of glared at him. Carlos's face lit up like crazy. It was awkward for a moment, then I decided to try and ease it up. "You both like each other," I said. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"You, what? You like me?" James asked Carlos, who nodded very shyly. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was afraid! I didn't know you liked me, too! Why didn't _you _say anything?"

"I didn't want Kendall to bite my head off," James snapped.

"You know I wouldn't do that, sheesh," Kendall said, rolling his eyes.

"So, uh, do you want to…" Carlos began.

"Yes!" James interrupted. A smile spread across his face and he took Carlos into his arm with an elegant flourish that had likely been dormant for a fair amount of time. Their lips pressed together in a long awaited kiss. Kendall leaned his head against mine and cooed, "awwww."

"I gotta go to the bathroom!" Carlos suddenly announced. He shot up out of his seat and dashed off towards the back of the restaurant. James stared oddly, but Kendall motioned in Carlos's direction with his chin.

"He's gotta stop running away like that!" James said.

"Ugghh, dense!" Kendall shouted. James stared at him blankly. "Follow him!" my boyfriend added.

"Oh!" James said, lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"Just be careful, he's a screamer," Kendall added quietly. James nodded and he followed Carlos's trail to the bathroom.

I sat back in my seat and sighed. "Well!" I said, wide eyed. "That went a lot different than I expected."

"How so?" Kendall asked, going back to his food now. He stole some pieces from James's plate, too.

"I didn't think they would start going at each other."

"What do you think? They're both super horny guys."

"I guess."

"I know," Kendall insisted.

The waitress came by and gave us the check, but we were still waiting for the other guys. I looked at my phone and counted over 12 minutes since they had disappeared together. I folded my arms and slumped back in the chair. Then, they both showed up.

"Okay!" Carlos said. "Ready?"

"Sure," answered Kendall. He put some cash down on the table and motioned for me to leave the booth. James was silent as we left. I took Kendall's hand and the four of us strolled down the sidewalk together.

"So what's up, James?" Kendall asked the other tall guy.

"Not much," James answered coyly. He put his hands into his pockets, and Carlos grabbed his arm. He smiled at the Hispanic guy and kept walking.

"Was it good?" Kendall asked.

"Yes," James said quickly. "Very."

"Jeez, guys," Carlos groaned. "Just talk about fucking me, why don't you? And how about Logan has sex with me too, so you can all discuss?"

"Relax, dude," Kendall said.

"I know, I know, just teasing ya," said Carlos.

"Is this going to change our friendships?" James asked.

"I don't think so," said Kendall. I nodded in agreement. "It'll be better. Nobody will be lonely and we'll all be…happy and…not lonely."

"Sounds cool to me," Carlos said.

"Umm, I think I want to have some more alone time with you," James said to him. "This an okay time to split up, guys?"

"Sure. We'll just head home anyway," I said. Kendall and I waved goodbye to our friends and walked back towards his car.

"How sweet was that?" Kendall said.

"Totally. I feel great about today."

"I feel great about you every day."

"Pssh."

"Oh, hold on." Kendall stopped and took his phone out of his pocket. "Thought I heard something." He unlocked the screen and suddenly his face froze. I peered over and saw that there was a new voicemail from "mom."

"Maybe she wants you home?" I asked quietly. Kendall looked horrified. He put the phone up to his ear and listened. I got as close as I could and also heard the message.

"_Kendall, it's me. I've been thinking. If your little boyfriend's mom is so 'great' to let you live with them, maybe you should just stay. I want your stuff out of the house by the end of the week, or I'll throw it away. Call me back_."

Kendall put his phone away but kept staring at the same place. I rubbed my hand on his back, trying to cheer him up, but it did no good. "Kendall," I said softly. "Kendall…"

"Let's just go back home," he finally said, taking my hand weakly as we approached his car.


	13. Walls Up

"Where are we going?" I asked as soon as I realized we weren't headed home. Kendall stared bitterly as he drove. "Kendall?"

"Getting my stuff from home," he said quickly.

"Kendall…"

"Sorry, Logan. It's nothing against you. Just, really not okay right now."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

We pulled up in front of a house which I assumed was his. He parked on the street and unbuckled his seatbelt. "You can stay in the car, is that okay?"

"Yeah no problem."

Kendall blew a kiss at me and headed to the house. Before he had the chance to knock, the door opened and I saw his mother come out. She shoved a large box into his hands. The car window on my side was cracked just a smidgen, and I could sort of hear them talking.

"Just get it out of the house," his mom said.

"Okay. That's why I'm here," Kendall said quickly.

She stacked a couple boxes in his arms and he came back to the car. He opened up the trunk and started to fill it up. As he returned to the house empty handed, he looked over his shoulder and smiled weakly at me.

"That's your boyfriend?" Mrs. Knight asked as she piled filled sacks into her son's arms. Kendall nodded by didn't answer. He schlepped the rest of the stuff to the trunk and slammed it shut. His mom remained by the front door with her arms folded, leering at me. I felt like she wanted to hurt me.

"Can I say bye to Katie?" Kendall asked. His mom apprehensively agreed and called for who I presumed was her daughter. The young girl I had only seen once slipped through the front door and stared up at Kendall. She said something, but I couldn't hear her. Kendall crouched down and hugged her for a long time. When I first saw Katie, she had been very headstrong and bold, but now her true age was showing. Her eyes were red and I could see tears streaming down her face. Kendall ended the hug and tousled her hair. I heard him say bye, and that he promised to call her. He turned back to the car and dragged himself inside. I looked at him sadly, but he just stared at the steering wheel with a blank expression on his face.

"Kendall?" I whispered.

"What."

"You okay?"

"I have you. But that's all." He glanced over at the front door and saw his mom still standing there, hands on her hips. Suddenly, Kendall grabbed my face and kissed me passionately. I nearly choked on his tongue. Then he pulled away, leaned out of the window, brandished his middle finger to his mother and yelled, "I LOVE HIM MORE THAN DAD EVER LOVED YOU!"

His mom covered Katie's eyes and went inside, slamming the front door behind her. Kendall put the keys in the ignition and started the engine. I sat back in my chair and wiped a string of saliva, generously given to me by my boyfriend. He drove off, grumbling to himself.

"Kendall," I said quietly.

"Sorry about that," Kendall said. "It was just something I had to do."

"I kinda liked it."

"D'you think you could give Carlos and call, and tell him what's going on with mom?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. I can do that." I made a tiny smile and took out my phone. Kendall thanked me as I dialed our friend.

"Yo Logan," Carlos said. "Everything okay? I'm a li'l busy."

"Kinda serious stuff," I told him.

"Already?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dude, it's only been like an hour since I saw you. Missin' the Carlitos already?"

"Haha, no, no," I said, trying to remain serious. "Listen, Kendall's mom is kicking him out permanently."

"Whaat? Mama Knight? Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Oh, shit. Is Kenny okay?"

"Not sure what we're gonna do," I said, looking over at Kendall, who was driving very plainly. "Maybe my mom will have a good idea. What do you think?"

"I can't have him crash at my place," Carlos said sadly. "Me and James are making plans."

"Plans?"

"Yaaa, can't talk about it."

"Can't talk about it?"

"Nope, sorry. Anyway, I'll run it by James and see what we can come up with, cool?"

"Thanks, man."

"Anytime. Tell Kendall to hang in there."

I hung up the phone and put my hand on my boyfriend's arm. I squeezed it softly and tried to cheer him up. "Carlos says he'll think about plans, okay?"

"Neat," Kendall said, obviously trying very hard to sound happy. I hate to see him in so much pain.

We finally made it back to my house, and Kendall parked on the street. There was a black Mercedes in the driveway, and that only meant one thing; my father was home.

"My father is home," I said to Kendall, pointing to the car.

"Is that okay?"

"I dunno. Haven't spoken to him since all of this stuff with you happened."

"Well, let's just find out, right? I'm still staying here for now, anyways." He made a cute smile and got out of the car. We walked up to the house together and I did my best to muster up some courage. The first thing I saw when I opened the door was my father sitting in the living room. His luggage was still in the foyer, so he must have just come home.

"Hey dad," I said.

"Been a while," my dad answered. He stood up from the sofa and walked over to me. This last business trip had been almost two months. "Your mother's been keeping me up to date on everything with you. This is Kendall, right?"

"Yeah, I'm Kendall. Kendall Knight." My boyfriend extended his hand towards my dad, who shook it firmly. I couldn't read my dad's emotions for shit.

"Nice to meet you, Kendall," dad said. "You seem upset. Everything alright?"

"No, not really, to be honest," Kendall admitted. We stepped further into the house and I closed the front door.

"What's going on? Logan, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said quietly. "But Kendall's mother doesn't want him coming back home ever."

"Ah hell," said dad. "That's no good. Can't run from your problems. Kendall, do you smoke?"

"Cigarettes? Yeah."

My dad took a pack out of his chest pocket and motioned towards the door. "Wanna step out front with me for a smoke?"

"Sure, Mr. Mitchell." Kendall patted me on the shoulder and followed my dad out front. I didn't want to follow; that was no place for me. But what would they talk about? I began to worry about this, but then my mother came down the stairs. "I overheard you talking," she said.

"Yeah, well…"

"I don't know why Kendall's mother has to be like that," my mom said with a sigh. She stepped across the foyer and took a seat on the sofa. She motioned for me to join her.

"I dunno either," I said as I sat down.

"Let me be honest with you, Logan," mom began. I didn't like those words. Usually they are followed by some form of scolding. "When you first told me you were gay, it really upset me. I didn't sleep for a long time. It still bothers me, actually. But I'm learning to deal with it, and I know that making your life miserable won't help."

"Thanks, mom."

"Anytime."

The front door clicked and the two men came back inside. They were laughing, and I felt somewhat confident that the conversation had been pleasant.

"I appreciate it, Mr. Mitchell," said Kendall.

"Don't worry about it," my dad answered. "So I'll go unpack. Chinese tonight, right?"

"I thought so," my mom joined in.

Dad nodded and took his suitcases upstairs. Kendall put his hands in his pockets and stood in the foyer awkwardly. I smiled at him, and my mom hummed to herself.

"Sooo what did you talk about?" I asked.

"Nothing much," Kendall said rather quickly. He smirked and started for the stairs. "He seems cool."

"I guess so," I said. "Hey mom, let us know when you order dinner?"

"Of course," said mom.

I said thanks just before Kendall and I disappeared upstairs. We went inside my room and Kendall immediately flopped onto my bed. He wiggled his finger to suggest that I lay beside him, which I did. I slid across the mattress on my side and put a hand onto his back.

"So what did my dad say?" I asked again, knowing that it was probably irritating.

"Just some things," Kendall said apprehensively. He turned his face on its side, looking at me, and smiled. His stubble looked adorable.

"Liiiiike?"

"Ahh," he now sighed and pressed his eyes shut, concealing the green orbs that I love so much. He must have known that I wouldn't stop asking until he told me. Somewhat reluctantly, he went on to explain. "He told me to take care of you, 'cause you get stressed out real easily and need someone to help you stay calm. He always figured you just needed a good relationship to keep you happy."

"My dad told you all of that?"

"Yep."

I slipped my hand beneath Kendall's shirt and touched his bare back. It was so smooth. My fingers were delighted. I smiled very softly to my boyfriend and closed my eyes. I felt his lips kiss me on the nose.

"He also said that I can come to him with any problems, especially concerning you and your wellbeing," Kendall added. "Your family is cool. I wish mine was as nice."

"Yeah, me, too."

"I love you so much," Kendall whispered out of the blue.

"I love you, too," I replied.

He turned on his side to face me and pulled me close. A few kisses were put across my lips, and Kendall made a devilish smile. "So when can I see you naked?" he asked.

"Ummm." My face lit up at that prospect. Even though I was terribly in love with him, and really did want to have sex, I was still very shy at this thought.

"Ummm?" Kendall asked. He raised his thick eyebrows high into his forehead.

"Some point, I guess."

"Alright. I mean, I'll wait 'til you're ready of course, but keep in mind that I'm totally willing when you are."

"Okay. Sorry I'm so weird about this," I admitted shyly. Kendall frowned. "It's just, you know, I've never had anybody see me naked or anything like that."

"Baby, I understand. Don't feel bad." Kendall cooed and held me even tighter. He put a kiss on my forehead and cuddled me more. "I don't want you to feel bad."

"I won't then," I said cutely.

"Oh yeah, I've been thinking of a new song," Kendall said suddenly. His face became delighted very quickly.

"Oh?"

"Yep. Something like, 'You always said I could be anything, you always said I could be anyone, something something something, so why do you tear me down? Putting walls up all around, something like that." His improvised melody was sweet, and I liked it a lot. It had potential. Or maybe I'm just biased because his voice is so incredible.

"It's nice," I said. "Sounds good."

"I'm just pissed, you know?" Kendall said. "Mom was always so cool until this happened. I dunno what to do."

I looked at Kendall and felt sad. It was truly unfair that life had to play out like this. I finally had a wonderful relationship, and his stupid mother had to go and make things complicated. Well, at least he was here. His sexy, immaculate body was right beside me. If someone came up to me a month ago and said that I'd soon be sharing my bed with an amazing guy, both inside and out, I wouldn't have believed them. I guess I really _had _changed a lot. And my dad was probably right; I needed a good relationship to keep myself together.

In that moment, I felt a bizarre sense of playfulness. My hand, which had still been touching his band, wound around his waist and followed a slow path across his stomach. Kendall purred gently as I touched him. My fingers moved below his navel and dangerously close to his crotch. I felt bristly hairs that had been shaved maybe a few days ago. I unbuttoned the top of his shorts and slipped through the fly, still on the outside of his underpants. His monster was hard. I felt it. My fingers grazed the tip of the head and it throbbed mightily.

"Logan," Kendall whispered. "You don't have ta."

"But I wanna…" I replied in a tone which was just as soft. I know got more of my hand within his pants and cupped around his dick. What Carlos and James had said about it was definitely not an exaggeration. How could I compete?

"Your hands are so delicate," Kendall said. He leaned into to me and kissed my lips. I stroked the side of his member and kissed him back. Now, my daredevil fingers thought it might be a good idea to go into his boxer briefs. I sucked in a sharp breath, closed my eyes, ran my index finger along the inside of the elastic band and…

"Boys! I'm ordering Chinese! Why don't you come downstairs?"


	14. Almost There

We continued living at that rate for several days, even with the despair of an uncertain future hanging over us. My parents agreed that Kendall could stay until he figured out a permanent means of living, though "more than two weeks would be a bit much."

Work became tolerable. The creepy manager Ella finally got the hint that I would never be interested, and she eventually started to cool off. Thank God. Other than that, I could look forward to seeing Kendall after my shift to drive me home. We started going to the gym in the evening. It was enjoyable to do it together. We even got Carlos and James to come with us most days. Their relationship had blossomed very quickly. Obviously, they both had wanted it badly. So they still refused to explain what their little plan was, but at least reassured us it had nothing to do with Kendall.

I finally felt like I was fitting in. There was a group of people that longed for my company, instead of barely tolerating it. But Kendall grew depressed. He stopped playing guitar downtown and spent most of his time either sleeping or just laying around the house. Into the second week he was with us, it was difficult to get him out to the gym. He touched me less while we slept. His isolationism was overwhelming.

One night after work, I came into my room and found him already asleep. It was only 9 o'clock so I was worried. After I got washed up, I carefully slipped in beside him and put my arms around his waist. He was on his side, facing the window. As I snuggled up to him, he flipped over to face me. "I didn't realize you were awake," I said quickly.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. How are you doing?"

"Eh."

"Kendall…" His eyes were sad. The sparkling green had faded, and now they were lifeless and blank. "Talk to me," I said.

"I'm leaving," Kendall said.

"What?"

"_I'm leaving_."

"You're kidding."

"No, I'm not." He smiled very weakly at me and returned the hug. I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, but a confused look stayed on my face.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Anywhere. I just gotta go. I can't stay here." I had never heard him sound so desperate before. His voice was dry.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"What?!" I suddenly shot upright. Kendall backed off and gave me a worried expression, but I was completely shocked on the inside. I stared at him with my mouth agape. "Are you crazy?! You can't just leave me like that!"

"You'll come with me?" Kendall asked weakly.

"I can't do that," I said.

"Why? Just the two of us on the open road." Now, Kendall sat up and put his arm around me. He gave me a genuine smile finally. "We'll keep driving, and we'll manage. My mom gave me money, you know that? A lot. We'll travel and play music and figure it out. Maybe we'll be back in a year."

"I can't do that," I repeated. My eyes began to well up with tears. Never in a million years would I have guessed that Kendall had this in mind. I expected Carlos and James to pull something along these lines, but not my amazing boyfriend who completed my life. My hands were shaking. Everything I knew began to fall down in these few moments.

"Why can't you?"

"I want to go to school. I need to continue my education. My life can't take a huge turn like that, just because you don't want to stay around. Don't you care about me enough to stay?"

Kendall took my face in his hands and held me close. His nose touched mine, and he closed his eyes. "Logan," he said very quietly. "Of course I love you, and I don't want to destroy your life. It's the last intention I'd ever have. But I can't stay here right now. You won't understand, since you didn't grow up in my family, but it's what I have to do. I have to leave. I wanted you to come with me, but obviously I can't force you."

As Kendall continued, I began to cry. Tears poured out of my eyes. He took the back of his index finger and wiped each one away. "Please don't cry," he said, obviously fighting back his own waterworks. "Logan, please. Please don't cry."

"H-how can I not?" I sniffed. "I thought we would be together forever."

"We will. Forever sometimes involves being apart. I'll never stop loving you."

I flung my arms around his shoulders and rolled my head on his collar bone. There was no fighting my sobs, so I let them all out at full force. I felt like such a child. Kendall hugged me, patted my back and stroked the top of my head. He rested his cheek against my hair and nuzzled me gently.

"I don't understand why you have to go," I spoke against his neck.

"I have to break away."

"Why can't you do it some other way? Why don't you rent a room or something?"

"Logan, sorry, you just don't get it. People do things sometimes just 'cause they need to do it. I _need _to."

"So…you have to leave tomorrow…"

"Yeah."

I looked up at him with sad, desperate eyes. Kendall is much more stoic than me. He didn't sniff or sob, but a single tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't look at me, now, rather far away. Maybe to the place where he saw himself driving to.

"Kendall?" I asked softly.

"Hm?"

"I guess, if I have to accept you leaving, can you do something for me at least?"

"Anything."

"Be my first."

"Now?" Kendall looked at me and swallowed. His cheeks reddened.

"Yeah," I said, nodding very gently.

"Sure?"

"Uh huh."

He wiped the last of my tears away with his hand and kissed me. His tongue licked up against my lips and I let out a tiny moan. Kendall turned his body so that he overpowered me. I moved onto my back and he towered atop my body. Our kisses continued, growing in sloppiness. It was funny how quickly we went from being sad to utter horniness. Kendall's hands slid down across my chest and took the bottom hem of my tank top. Now my breathing became hard and unsettled. Knowing he would finally see me naked, after all of this time and all these nights together, was both embarrassing and wonderful. He lifted up my shirt and pulled it over my head. His hands explored my chest like a moonlander, curious and eager to define every shape and texture. He lightly touched my nipples, and I winced in pleasure.

"You like that?" Kendall asked. I looked at him at nodded. A fiendish smile spread across his face. He bent down and dragged his tongue over my nipple, and I let out a shout. Nothing ever felt like that before. My face turned bright red as Kendall continued to lick. He ran his tongue across my chest and sucked on the other one, too. My toes curled and I whined in pleasure, biting my lower lip. Finished with them, Kendall left my nipples and continued his tongue-journey down and across my stomach.

"Sorry," I whispered. "I haven't shaved for a few days."

"It's fine," Kendall replied. He ran his nose through the stubble and stopped at the crease of my boxers. This was the part I didn't like; finally seeing my junk. His fingers stroked along the rim of the elastic, teasing slowly. They ran along my hips, rounded my thighs and touched the bottom of my butt. He looked up at my once and smiled. "You alright?"

"Yeah," I peeped, only half honest.

"Can I take your boxers off?"

I swallowed hard and nodded slowly. Kendall made a delighted face and slowly slid my underpants off. He pulled them off of my feet and casually tossed the off of the bed. When he came back to my crotch, I had no choice but to expose myself completely. Kendall smiled as he looked at my dick, which was of course quite hard now. He touched it gently and I gasped. His long, slender fingers wrapped around the base. My breathing almost choked me, since it was so heavy and rapid. I closed my eyes and rolled my head back. Then Kendall ran his tongue along the length of it. I moaned out, probably too loud, and gripped the sheets. He licked the tip of the head and popped it into his mouth. It was so wet and warm. I never imagined anyone being able to make me feel so good. Instinctively, my hips started to grind and thrust up against his mouth. But soon, Kendall stopped. He released my cock from his mouth and said, "I don't want you to cum too soon. Here. Put your legs up here."

I followed his order and hooked my legs on his shoulders. I felt his hands spread my butt cheeks, and suddenly his tongue whipped across my asshole. I shouted again. My fingers dug into the mattress harder. It was difficult to not explode. His slippery tongue licked in circles around my hole, teasing and pleasuring me equally. It was sloppy and made a wet sound as he licked it. His face dug between my cheeks further, and his tongue dipped inside occasionally. Beads of sweat were already falling from my face and legs.

With a final kiss, Kendall backed away from my ass and asked, "Are you ready?"

"I guess," I said. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Good."

Keeping my legs on his shoulders, Kendall sat up a bit so that his waist went against my butt. He pulled down his underpants, and I had to sneak a peek. Just as James and Carlos had described, his dick was big. It was a mighty, strong cock that sat up tall and proud. He had his hand on it, and a string of spit fell from his mouth to the dickhead. He rubbed it all around. It looked soft and pink, even in the dim light of the lamp on my nightstand.

"Just spread your legs and relax, okay?" Kendall said.

"O-okay."

The tip of his dick pushed between my cheeks and touched my asshole. I winced, scared of the sensations that were to come. It was slippery and slimy with spit, and his cock began to push its way inside of me. I bit down on my lower lip and tried to relax. It hurt, definitely, but there was also some pleasure.

"It'll help if you jerk yourself off," Kendall suggested.

I nodded slowly, keeping eye contact with my boyfriend, and wrapped my hand around my own dick. Kendall pushed his way inside me deeper, and now I could feel the actual thickness of his rod. I tried to focus on my masturbation but it was difficult. He was so large. It was incredible. His thin body had such a thick cock attached to it. Tiny moans now came out of his mouth, and he closed his eyes. A rhythm began to build. Kendall's hips thrust against me and slapped my body. I groaned and squealed as he pounded me. He went in deeper, but it started to hurt too much.

"N-no, Kendall. Stop." I said. Kendall immediately quit moving.

"Too much pain?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"It's okay." He slid back a little bit, still inside. "Is this alright?"

"I think so."

He picked up the thrusting once more, but now I think it was just the head of his dick fucking me. I gasped and moaned as he continued to rail me. I jerked myself off harder now. I was close.

"Are you gonna cum?" Kendall asked.

"Y-yeah."

"Alright. Now?"

"Almost."

I moaned and hummed louder as my jerking speed quickly picked up. Kendall also fucked me harder. He worked his core fast and humped me the best he could, without going in too deep. Suddenly his face flushed bright red and he shouted out, clearly in orgasm. I couldn't feel it, but he pumped me full of his warm seed. He moaned and rolled his head back, and just at that moment I managed to hit a climax as well. It wasn't a very big load, but it shot back against my abs. I gasped and cried as my dick throbbed in my hand.

For a few moments, we stayed just like that, panting. Our bodies were sticky with all sorts of things. When time appropriate, Kendall slowly took his deflating dick out of my ass and he fell onto his side. I moved onto mine as well and pressed my back to him. He instantly hugged me and put a kiss on my neck.

"You still have to leave?" I whispered.

"That's not going to change, yeah, of course I do."

"I wish you wouldn't."

"Sorry." He grabbed my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine.

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Logan. I don't want to leave, but I gotta."

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll always love you."


	15. Next Step

I fell asleep in his arms, but I woke up alone. The morning broke and I was feeling sadness throughout my body. I rolled over onto my side and stared at the space in the bed where Kendall was supposed to be. I blinked and winced as I tried to wake up, and I reached my hand out to the emptiness of my mattress. Something crinkled. I groped around and when my fingers touched a piece of paper, I picked up my head and looked over. There was a note there that obviously Kendall had left for me. It said, "Bye, Logan. I love you."

I held the paper to my chest and tears started to fall once more. How could he do this to me? How could he give me such a beautiful night and then disappear in the morning? It occurred to me that maybe all of the second guessing I did when I watched him from afar was correct. Maybe he _was _a liar and a cheater, who went from city to city, pursuing innocent boys just to break their hearts. No, that made no sense. James and Carlos would have told me. Or perhaps they were also in on it? They all could have been con-artists.

It didn't do any good to think about these things, though; Kendall was gone and I was still here. Even though I really did not feel like doing anything, I rolled out of bed and reluctantly got dressed. I ran into my mother in the hallway.

"Why are you still here?" I asked.

"I stayed home. Thought you might need me around."

"Why?"

"Kendall left about an hour ago."

"I know." I looked down and closed my eyes. Mom's hand touched my shoulder.

"It's probably for the best, sweetie. A guy who would leave you the easily isn't one you want to be with."

"I guess, I just thought…I don't know."

I sniffed and walked downstairs. What was I going to do with my life now? Kendall was the only thing that ever made me happy. He completed my life and made me whole. There was just one other person who could help, so I took a bus to the Snazz Cup to visit Lucy.

As I headed into the café, I saw a lot of commotion towards the back. Carlos and James were there, talking loudly to Lucy over the counter. I snapped out of sadness and ran up to them. James immediately saw me and called out, "Logan! Logan! Are you okay?"

"More or less," I said. "What's going on?"

Carlos stared at me very seriously. "We called and called," he said. "Why didn't you answer?!"

"Oh, what? I haven't looked at my phone."

"Kendall left each of us a text this morning, and all it said was, 'bye.' What happened? Where is he?" James asked intensely. Both of the boys crowded around me, expecting me to fill them in on Kendall's whereabouts. I felt under pressure, and I don't do well under pressure. Thank God Lucy intervened.

"Stop crowding," she said. James and Carlos parted and I saw my friend behind the counter. The tension eased. "So what happened this morning, Logie-Bear?"

"Kendall left," I said sadly. The boys' mouths dropped.

"What?" Carlos exclaimed.

"He said he…couldn't take it, and he just 'had to leave.'"

"What the fuck?" Lucy called out. She pushed through the swing door and walked up to me. "He just left you like that? He didn't even bother to take you with him?"

"No, no. He wanted me to come." I spoke very quietly, and as soon as the last words came out, Lucy's expression dropped. She looked pissed. "You didn't go?"

"Of course not. I can't do that."

"Are you stupid?!" Lucy shouted. "This romantic guy, who you love by the way, wants to run away with you and you turn him down? Did you even say good bye?"

"Sorta."

Here, Carlos butted in. He got up in my face and said, "We'll go find him."

"But he could be anywhere," I said.

"I know where he is," James said. "I know exactly where he is."

"You think so?" I asked. James nodded. "Let's go see him," he added.

"Can we stop back at my house first? I need to grab something first."

* * *

James was certain that Kendall would go to the peach orchard prior to leaving, so that's where we went. We piled into James's car and drove out of town.

"There's something we've been meaning to tell you," Carlos said. In the back seat, I sat and stared quizzically. "It's our plan."

"Yeah, Kendall stole it and he probably didn't even realize it," said James.

"What do you mean, he stole it?" I asked. Carlos and James looked to each other quickly and then smiled.

"We were going to head to LA," said James.

"Yeah, James thinks he can become famous," Carlos said. He looked over the back of the seat and flashed a huge, cheeky grin at me. "So we were just gonna go for it. Had no idea Kendall would think of the same plan. Crazy, right?"

"I don't know if he's going to LA or not," I said quietly. We drove passed the acres and acres of corn fields, and I knew that the orchard was soon approaching.

"Lucy's a cool girl, isn't she?" James asked me.

"Yeah."

"Funny how she got mad when you told her Kendall asked, huh?"

"I guess."

"She's straight on," James continued. "Sorry about Kendall, though. I tried to warn you."

"Warn me? I don't remember that. You only said nice things about him."

"I said he's a daydreamer."

"Oh, yeah. Well that's not exactly a warning, is it?"

"Kinda!" Carlos interjected. "It's not the first time he's tried to run away."

"Huh?"

The Latino boy cleared his throat. "He wanted to run away with me, too."

"Are you serious?"

"Uh huh. My parents seriously didn't like him, and the stress pushed him over the edge. He wanted to drop out of high school and hitchhike across the US or some shit."

"Oh…" I looked down at my lap and sighed. Maybe Kendall wasn't serious. Maybe he was just a drama queen, and things would soon go back to normal. That had to be it, right. We'd find him at the old house, practically waiting for us to come and convince him that running away would be a bad idea.

"He's a great guy, though," James said. "Even if he leaves, it's still lucky that you had him in your life. Even for the little bit of time it was."

"Maybe," I told him apprehensively. Was it really better to have loved and lost?

Now, the house was approaching. I saw it coming very close. James pulled off onto the little dirt road and headed towards it. I didn't see Kendall's car. My stomach did backflips and I wanted to cry even more. No, he was gone. He really was. I would never see him again.

James parked the car and got out. "C'mon, Carlitos," he said. His new boyfriend followed him out, but I stayed in the backseat. The windows were down and I heard them walk through the dirt and across the grass. They rounded the house and I heard them shout.

"HEY! What are you doing?" James yelled. There was another voice, but I couldn't hear it very well. I saw Carlos back up. He was laughing. "You stole our plan, dude," he said. "You can't leave without us. Why didn't you ask?"

"I couldn't deal with it," I heard the other voice. It was Kendall, and he was walking closer. I saw James again, and then Kendall walked out from around the side. He was holding his guitar, and I assumed his car was parked on that side of the house. I slid down in my seat so that I could still hear them talking, but they wouldn't be able to see me.

"We're gonna follow you," said Carlos. "We're gonna follow you until your dreams come true. James, too. James is going to be famous."

"Haha, good luck with that," Kendall said glumly.

"Why are you so sad?" James asked.

"I feel stupid, sorta," said Kendall. He set the guitar down on the ground and put his hands into his pockets. "Can I tell you guys something?"

"Sure," Carlos and James said at the same time.

"I didn't want to leave Logan behind. I feel terrible about it. I wish I could have changed his mind, and made him come with me. But I guess it won't happen. You know, we had sex last night. For the first time."

"How was it?" James asked with an unusually excited grin.

"Wonderful. Amazing. Pick any word to describe the most emotionally fulfilling moment of your life." Kendall looked up at the sky and smiled very sadly. There was a look in his glistening green eyes that only meant one thing; true love.

"Can't force him to come," Carlos said.

"I know," Kendall agreed with a tone of disappointment. "I know I can't. I really wish it could be different. You sure you want to come with me? We'll be leaving our lives behind."

"We've been planning it!" Carlos shouted. "We're ready."

"Alright," said Kendall. He was trying to cheer himself up. "Let's go on one heck of a road trip."

"Do you have your car?" James asked.

"Yeah. Over there."

"Then we'll follow," said Carlos.

"If you want to. Or you can go in my car."

"Nu uh, we'll follow so that we can say bad things about you," James teased. Kendall rolled his eyes. "No," said Carlos. "We need to go home and pack. So we'll catch up to you."

"I'll still be here. I'll wait," said Kendall.

James and Carlos headed back towards their car. Carlos leaned into the window and said, "Well? You gonna say bye, or just watch and cry?"

"Oh that was good!" James said with a giggle. "You should write music with Kendall."

"Maybe I will," Carlos answered. He gave James a little kiss on the cheek and the tall boy's face lit up. I sat in the seat with a grumpy face.

"He's leaving. Better make your move!" said James.

I looked up at the both of them. It was now or never. I swallowed my emotions, inhaled deeply, mustered up all of my remaining courage and opened the car door. James and Carlos both got inside. I walked across the dirt and looked over the grass. Kendall was bumbling back towards the house.

"Wait," I called out. Kendall stopped walking. He turned around with a smile on his face, obviously recognizing my face right away. I continued walking towards him, but neither of us said a word. He looked at the backpack that I was dragging behind me. The closer I got, I could see that tears were running down Kendall's freckled cheeks. I was crying, too. But they weren't tears of sadness. We both had joy in our cries. My lips parted slowly, and the four most powerful little words rolled out of my mouth; "_I'm coming with you_."


	16. Epilogue

**Dear Lucy,**

**The boys are hassling me because I'm writing you a postcard, but I think it's nostalgic. Or something. I have no idea how you will feel about it. But at any rate, last night was our first official night in LA. It's so nice out here! I think you should come out eventually. You'll like it, too. It's like you can start fresh out here. My parents already agreed that they will visit.**

**James is going to see a talent scout tomorrow. He's under this silly delusion that he'll be picked and then become crazy famous. He hasn't stopped singing, and it's really annoying. Carlos thinks it's great, though. They're so in love. Speaking of love, Kendall and I are great. We've been having a lot of sex, now that I'm finally into the rhythm of it, and the romance is just amazing. I'm so glad I decided to come out here. I've never been happier. I'll send a fixed address once I get one.**

**Lots of Love,**

**Your Logie-Bear.**

**P.S. Call me crazy, but I have this funny feeling that James won't do well in the audition. But maybe Kendall's desire to chase dreams will find us a whole new way of life? I don't know : )**

**~*~ the end ~*~**


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